“Unattainable?” I grit my teeth, trying to maintain my composure. “Tell me, prince. Do men in your country just go around bedding every woman they can in order to keep them compliant?” I shake my head. “If their fantasy is a woman that would have nothing to do with them, it seems to me it’s their way of feeding their egos after being rejected.”
His eyes widen. “No! How does your brain come up with these—” He bites off his words, his lips thin as he presses them together. “Look, it was a joke.”
I nod, many times. “Another joke. I’m glad that our hard work and sacrifice is amusing to the men of Perinya.”
Caben lets out another sigh and slowly pulls off my boot. His warm fingers skim my calf as he inches up my pant leg. “Just stick your foot in,” he says, then adds lower, “while I stick mine in my mouth.”
Unexpectedly, I laugh. “At least it’s now clean,” I say. “Would you like some help getting it to your face?”
Smiling, he yanks my other foot onto his lap. “So . . . I gather then that you’re not forbidden to be with men.”
“No. We’re not forbidden.” I glance over the shimmering water, listen to the trickle as he removes my boot. I place my feet into the chilled water, and it’s like rain hitting a parched desert. I shiver before refocusing my thoughts. “We take vows, and part of them is sacrificing our personal lives. But we decide to do that on our own, because we know that it’s impossible to give ourselves fully to more than one person. My empress’s welfare has to come first.”
I peek over at Caben. He cocks his head, planting his hands on his thighs. “You’re speaking for all Nactue,” he says. “But what about just you? Have you considered what you may want later? After you’re done being a protector, that is.”
“I’ll never be done. Even after I retire, I’ll join the Signaught. And there will always be some place I’m needed as far as serving my empress and country.” I think about his position for a minute, and say, “You understand that, don’t you? I know that you’ll have to marry to carry on your lineage, but your kingdom will always come first.”
The rippling water reflects in his eyes, changing them to a darker blue—as if his thoughts are clouded. But it must be an illusion from the light. When he doesn’t answer right away, I grow anxious. Where is his mind wandering?
Caben blinks, and gives his head a shake. “We’re talking like tomorrow we have a choice as to what to do with our lives.”
And for a moment, here with him, I had lost the reminder that we’re battling in the Cage soon.
“All choices have been removed,” he continues. “It no longer matters what I would have chosen for my life.”
My lips part, and I want so badly to ask what he wants—what he would choose over the life that’s been laid out for him. But I don’t. Instead, I dip my hand into the water, swirl my finger around. Swish the water with my feet. Anything to keep from prying.
“How do you do that?” he says, taking me off-guard.
“Hmm?” I glance down at the water and wonder what I’ve said or done, then back up at him.
A storm brews behind his eyes, dark and gray. “How do you always seem to sound like him, and yet not. You have a way of turning his words around on me, so that I have to actually consider them.”
His father. He mentioned before in the master cell that I sounded like him. I don’t know if I should feel honored or affronted. From the look on his face, I presume the latter.
“No, no,” he says, waving his hand. “Don’t think it’s bad. I mean that he was a firm believer in putting duty before all else, and I see that in you.” He narrows his sharp gaze. “But it’s different with you. It’s not about pride or duty or country. It’s truly what you believe—a part of you. An
d in doing so, it’s as if you’re putting those you care for first, because you’re thinking only of their protection. Ironically, by sacrificing your own desires, you’re actually caring for those in your life all the more.”
I hold his gaze unwaveringly, and my skin heats, a wave of warmth crashing over me. “I’ve never thought about it that way,” I admit. The realization is a startling truth, causing me to miss an intake of breath. “I suppose the best I can offer them, is nothing of myself.”
“No. You give them all of you, and ask for nothing in return. It’s the most unselfish thing I’ve ever seen.” His eyes flick over my face, and I’m suddenly afraid of what he’s seeing. “But you don’t allow anyone in,” he continues. “Though, I think that’s for your own protection.”
I break his intense gaze and stare at the glowing colors of the rocks in the cave wall. A long moment passes where I take in the beauty before I’m able to find words. “I could say the same about you,” I say, keeping my eyes trained on the rocks.
“You could. And you’d be right.”
I hear a splash and look over. Caben’s tunic and pants lie where he was just seated. He pops up in the center of the pool and shakes his head, the water pelting me as it flings off his dark hair.
I huff and rub the wet off my arms. “We really don’t have time—”
My words die on my tongue as Caben swims up and palms my thighs. The cold water on his hands seeps past the material of my pants to my skin. “Don’t make me toss you in here fully clothed. I will, but I’ll first give you the option to promptly remove your attire while I turn my back.” His lips curve into a slanted smile. “Like the gentleman that I am, of course.”
My hand reflexively goes to my chest, my fingers finding the hard covering protecting the clamp. I force my hand to my lap. “Turn around.”
His brows shoot up, and his full lips stretch into a wide, handsome smile. He kicks off the slab and swims backward before turning to face the opposite side of the cave. My eyes slip over the tightly defined muscles of his back, the water beading and skimming down his tanned skin, and I mutter a curse. I stand and palm the puckered skin over my heart once more before sliding my pants down. Gentleman or not, I won’t chance him getting a glimpse of my cybernetic fix, so I leave my shirt on and dive in.
The water hits my senses like ice, and I break the surface with a gasp. “Oh, my goddess. It didn’t feel this cold to my damned feet.”