Once I’m in the bathroom, I splash water over my face, then curse. I put on way more makeup than I normally wear, and mascara is bleeding all around my eyes. Awesome. I think about grabbing my purse from the back, but don’t want to call any more attention to myself. I suck it up and dab at the caked-on blackness with a moistened paper towel.
After I rinse my mouth, I hear a knock at the door. Tentatively cracking it, I see Ryder holding my purse and clothes. “Thought you might want these.”
There’s no judgment in his voice, but shame cloaks me just the same. I thank him and then quickly rush into a stall to change. I finish making myself look halfway decent, though there’s nothing to be done for the glitter coating my skin, and quickly rinse my mouth with mouthwash.
When I exit, Ryder is leaning against the wall, waiting for me. There’s a whole show of semi-naked girls dancing and writhing behind him, but his focus is on my pathetic self.
“Walk?” he offers. “The cold air will help clear your head, and also help with the nausea.”
I nod. But then, “Vee. I can’t leave her…”
A wan smile touches his mouth. “She left with Gavin a few minutes ago.”
Relief floods me. “Thank you.” He makes a face, but I know it was his doing as to why Vee’s now away from here, with the guy she adores. Maybe…I don’t know. Maybe this really was the only way she could get Gavin’s notice, and maybe I should stop being so judgmental.
Ryder escorts me through the bar, his hand in mine. The frigid air is a shock to my system, and I suck in a fast breath. “I’m so stupid,” I breathe out.
He doesn’t respond—to agree or disagree—which sets my nerves on edge, but leads me down toward the lose sand of the beach. The moonless night encases us in a heavy darkness, the water black, breaking with a blue-gray crest against the shadowed shore. It all looks so ethereal; a dark world lit by the stars reflecting off the glassy ocean.
“How do you feel?” Ryder asks, interrupting the eerie tranquility.
“Like an asshole,” I admit. He turns toward me swiftly, his mouth parting to follow up, but I wave my hand. “I know you meant my stomach. And I’m feeling a little better. The beach always seems to calm me.”
“You’re allowed to make mistakes.” His blue gaze is charcoal gray in the surreal light, the wind sending his dark hair against the furrowed creases of his forehead. “You’re also allowed to strip…if that’s really what you want to do.”
A pang hollows out my chest. “Ugh,” I groan. “It’s so not. I’m not knocking women who do…seriously. I realize just how brave one needs to be to bare all. But I’m not cut out for it. I’m not even any good at it. That was so embarrassing.” I want to dig a hole in the sand and stick my damn head in it.
“I have to argue with you on that point,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. “Had I not known you personally, I’d probably be one broke jerk by the end of the night. I’d have fed you every last one of my dollars.”
I snort. “Shut up.”
“Honestly,” he says, and takes a seat on the beach. He looks up at me, his face washed in the stars’ soft glow. “I admit, I had a different fantasy set up for that scenario. One that didn’t involve my teammates. But that small taste was enough to put me on frustrate for a good long while.”
“I shocked you,” I state.
He shakes his head. “Nothing you could ever do would shock me.”
His gaze turns intense, his eyes unblinking against the frigid wind. They hold mine for an undetermined amount of time, until his words sink in past the haze of regret. God, what am I doing?
I throw my attention out over the ocean. “We could…” I start but stop. How the hell do you proposition a guy like Ryder? I know that neither one of us are looking for anything serious, it’s just too difficult. He’s going off to join the pros, and I’m staying right where I am. Chained and bound to my life. We’re a part of two very different worlds. It’s not fair to treat it any differently.
“Tell me,” he says, and tugs on my hand, pulling me down beside him in the sand. “Just say it. I promise, I’ll hear you out.”
“As opposed to last time?” I glance over at him.
His lips turn down in a hard frown. “I told you before, when I want something badly, I have no patience.” His fingers lace through mine, the grit of sand a pleasurable friction between our palms. “You can think I’m full of it all you want, but I’m in, Ari. At this point, I’ll take whatever you can offer. I’m fucking miserable waiting on the sideline.”
My heart stutters. My head screams not to believe him, and my soul rebounds, demanding I sate its starvation. But does it matter? In the end, when we both go off on our separate, prospective paths, does it really matter whether or not it was real? A lie, even? All I ever wanted was one moment of freedom, and Ryder is offering me just that. The chance to make one choice for myself. Right now.
To hell with propositions.
I release his hand only to straddle his lap. I link my arms around his neck, feel the taut, chiseled muscles of his stomach press against me as he clutches my waist. Then I’m looking into his vivid blue eyes, only giving him a second to refuse, before my lips crush his.
The world tilts.
Ryder’s soft lips are firm at first, holding resistance, but I don’t pull back. I part my mouth over his and release a light moan, my whole body absorbed in the caress, in his taste. He sucks in a quick breath, cool against my tongue, then a groan rumbles through the kiss. His tongue delves into the cavern of my mouth, exploring sweetly, then demanding more, replacing the cool with heat.
His hands slide along my back to grip me to him, his arms flexing possessively around me, as he takes control of the kiss. And, oh, I need him to. I give in completely, relinquishing all power, and let him own every inch of me.