“You felt pleasure?” He had to know. “You weren’t faking your enjoyment, were you? Did you climax? Because I thought you did, but—”
“Are we really doing a forensic audit on it?” she cried, face so red it should have been accompanied by five alarms.
“I need to know, Poppy.” It was imperative.
“I didn’t fake anything! Okay? Quit asking such personal questions.”
“How is this too personal? We were both there and I’m making sure we were both there. My pride is every bit as delicate as any man’s. When it comes to the bedroom, if you’re not satisfied, I’m not satisfied. I will make you that promise right now.”
She ducked her eyes into her hand. “Thanks. And I’d love to make the same promise, but I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“You don’t have to be defensive about it. I’m glad you told me. And your number of past lovers is far less important to me than how many you have now.” Obviously. “Shall we agree we’ll keep it to one?”
She peered at him over her hand, admonishing, but also earnest as she promised, “Of course I’ll be monogamous.”
“Thank you. So will I.” But he was still having trouble believing she had shelved all her passion once she’d discovered it. “There really hasn’t been anyone since me?”
“Who would I sleep with, pregnant out to here?” She set her hand in the air beyond her navel. “I was looking after my grandparents and a newborn. Babies make you want to have a date with your pillow and no one else, trust me.”
She looked too uncomfortable to be telling him anything but the truth.
It was starting to impact him that the most profound sexual experience of his life had been with a virgin. He wasn’t sentimental, but there was something endearing in knowing he was her only lover.
“Why me?” he asked gently. “Why that day?”
“Because I was feeling like my whole trip had been a bust and I wanted one decent memory to take home with me.”
“I was a souvenir?”
“I was just a notch on your belt, wasn’t I?” she shot back.
His heart lurched and he had to look away, thinking of the way he had obsessed about her ever since. He had tried to relegate her to a notch. Instead, she’d been another persistent what-if.
“It’s fine that you were only taking what I offered,” she said, hugging herself. “I didn’t care that you had all the experience and seduced me. I wanted you to. But now you’re only having sex with me because we’re married and you’re stuck with me. That would be fine if I felt like I was bringing something to the table, but I don’t have any sexual confidence because I’ve only done it one time.” Her brow furrowed.
Aside from the chaste kiss after the ceremony, he hadn’t touched her since their kiss under the stars, but he’d been acutely aware of her every minute since she had opened her door to him. His ears were attuned to each inflection in her voice—the chuckling remarks she exchanged with her grandmother, the loving tone she used when speaking to Lily. He had studied the fit of her jeans, drunk in the scent of her hair, enjoyed the smooth warmth of her hand if their fingers happened to touch. He had noted the way her lips closed over a fork and the little frown that appeared between her brows if she was growing stubborn.
He had spent every night lying awake, recalling their passionate union until he was so filled with ardor, he ached.
He couldn’t believe she didn’t know that.
But he had taken pains to keep his reaction hidden so as not to let her undermine him with what he perceived as a weakness. He hadn’t wanted to admit that he had obsessed about her from the first moment he’d seen her dusting his mother’s furniture.
“You have a lot to compare to and I don’t want to start our marriage by falling short of your expectations.” She offered a dejected smile. “That’s why we’re standing here instead of in the shower.”
CHAPTER SIX
POPPY FELT LIKE a head case and was trying not to apologize for it. Women were allowed to have reservations. To feel conflicted. She might want sex, but she didn’t want empty sex. Not this time. Not when she had tried that the first time and discovered she wasn’t capable of keeping her emotions out of the experience.
But Rico was her husband and the father of her child and their kisses had reassured her that their lovemaking would be as pleasurable as it had been the first time.
Maybe she was expecting too much.
Was tha
t what he was thinking behind that enigmatic expression? A muscle was pulsing in his jaw as though he was trying to crack nuts with his teeth.
“I haven’t been with anyone else, either,” he finally said.