“Um, Fay? You still alive there?”
“What? Sorry, yes. I was just thinking.”
“Clearly. The question of the hour is whether or not you want to talk about it. Because I know I would.”
“It was just so weird!” I practically shouted, answering her before I was even sure that talking about Neil was something I was up for. “I mean it was weird, right? Or was that just me?”
“Oh no, not just you. It was like being in an episode of the Twilight Zone. My question is, though, whether or not you thought something like that was going to happen?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, his dad died and all. Did you think he might be coming back because of that? Not forever or anything like that. That would be idiotic. But for a little while?”
“I don’t know,” I answered quickly, lying through my teeth and hoping against hope that Courtney couldn’t tell. “All I know is that it totally threw me off.”
“I bet,” she answered sympathetically. She finished her beer and opened another one, as if she were at home and not at the place where she supposedly worked. “I mean, you guys were like, totally in love, right?”
“I don’t know. I thought so. But that was before he bailed. So what do I know?”
“Asshole. I mean really, what kind of a prick does that?”
“I think a lot of people, actually,” I said.
“He’s still a prick, as far as I’m concerned. I don’t care how hot he is.”
“He is pretty sexy, right? I mean, it isn’t just me being nostalgic?”
Courtney shook her head. “No, he’s definitely hot. But still. Prick.”
“Do you know that I used to stare at his house out of my bedroom window?”
“Um, you might not want to tell people that, babe,” Courtney said with a laugh and a little wink. “It makes you sound a little bit like a creepy stalker type.”
“No, that’s not what I mean. It was nothing like that. I mean, even before I was
old enough to think about Neil at all. I would stare up at his house, stare up at all of those lights, and I would try to imagine what it would be like to be that rich. My mom was always on my case for leaving even one light on; sometimes even if it was in the room I was in.”
“Sure, didn’t everyone’s parents do that?” she asked.
“Nope, not Neil’s dad. I would look up at that house, and sometimes it would look like every light in the house was on at the same time, just because they could be. It looked like stars to me, Courtney. It looked like a little crop of stars caught in a net and brought down to earth, just for me. That’s what I would think about when I was little and looking at the Driscoll house. I would think about stars.”
We both lapsed into silence then, Courtney from her perch on the countertop and me sitting in one of our empty booths. I wasn’t sure what she was thinking about, but I was busy thinking about a life that didn’t even come close to existing anymore. I was thinking about back when Neil’s house looked like it was full of stars, and my dreams of what might lay in store for him and me still felt real enough to touch.
“Okay, sister, enough is enough,” Courtney said.
“Huh? What do you mean?”
I wasn’t sure exactly how long Courtney and I had been sitting so quietly. All I knew was that it was now totally dark outside. I could somehow still tell that Courtney was either restless, annoyed, or both. When she jumped off the counter and chugged what remained of her beer in what looked like one long sip, I settled on both.
I knew she was probably annoyed by how sentimental I was being, seeing as she had always hated it when I got like that. At the same time, she was the one who had asked me to get that way. It felt unfair and a little bit out of character for her to be pissed.
Because I couldn’t figure her out, and because I had already asked for her meaning, I waited. I waited to see what she would say, hoping that she wouldn’t choose this moment to pick one of our very rare fights. Fighting was something I was never much of a fan of, but on this day? On this day, I was pretty sure I would just lay down on the floor and die rather than get into a yelling match with my best friend. I was too drained, too far gone within myself for a thing like that.
“Enough!” she cried, making it sound like more of a banshee cry than a word. “Enough of this! Enough moping around and acting like the whole world came crashing down because of Neil freaking Driscoll.”
“I’m not moping,” I answered sulkily, feeling absurdly hurt that she would say something like that to me. Despite the fact that moping was exactly what I was doing, “You asked me what I was thinking about, right? I mean you asked me if I was ready to talk about it, and so I talked. Next time, I’ll just try to remember to keep my mouth shut.”
“No! Come on, Fay, get real. You totally know that’s not what I meant, or at least you should know. And it’s not just you moping, either. It’s both of us, and it’s stupid. Hence, the enough is enough comment, which I definitely stand by. You and me aren’t just going to sit around and feel shitty, Fay. Not for even one second more.”