Screw it.
I pull out my phone and hit dial just as I fall into my bedroom. I collapse onto my soft bed and wait for her to answer. I’m still not sure she will, I do think I might have left it too long, but I need to at least try.
“H... hello?” she sounds unsure. “Ben, is that you?”
“Yeah, tis me.” Shit, I sound about as drunk as I feel. “How are you?”
She pauses for a moment before answering. “Are you serious? You wait until I’m almost six months pregnant and then you call me just to say how are you? And are you drunk at this time of the morning? You sound it.”
I can’t help it, that riles me up. I’m offering an olive branch here and she’s throwing it back in my face. “No, I obviously want to know how my babies are doing,” I snap back. “And I think I have a right to as well, since I’m their father.”
“Babies... so you did get my voice mail, probably my text too. What makes you think you suddenly have a right to know anything when you’ve been ignoring me all this time?”
What a bitch, why is she jumping down my throat? This chat wasn’t supposed to go like this at all. “I just want to know, Serena, I don’t want to fight.”
“You don’t want to fight?” Now she sounds really angry. “Do you have any idea how much I’ve struggled? I’ve had to do all this by myself with no money, nowhere to live, no help... do you know how much doctor’s bills are?”
“So this is all about money? I’ll refund you...”
“No, Ben, not everything is all about money. Maybe if you get your head out your ass you’ll see that.”
Mom might be all for me making up with Serena, but how can I when she’s being a stubborn cow? How am I supposed to make up with someone who doesn’t want to know?
“I’m just trying to help...”
“Well, it’s too late for you to help, Ben. And it certainly isn’t going to work with you calling me while drunk. That proves absolutely nothing except that you can’t be trusted. I don’t think you should call me again, Ben. Not unless you’re actually going to be serious.”
“I am serious, Serena. You can’t keep my baby away from me.”
“I’m not trying to...” She tries to interrupt, but I’m on a role now, acting like father of the year even though I haven’t done anything as yet. I can hear myself, I can see what I’m doing, but I just can’t seem to stop myself from acting like an idiot. It’s almost like I’m not even in my body at all now.
“I’ll get lawyers, I’ll go for custardy, I have rights...”
&
nbsp; “Ben.” Her tone is so firm, I can’t ignore her again. “Don’t call me again.”
“Ever?”
“Ever.”
“But...” It’s too late, she’s gone, taking my last hope with her.
The dial tone fills my ears and I feel like I might throw up. That is not how I wanted that call to go, maybe I should have waited until I was full sober. That was foolish, I might have wrecked things forever more. At least I still have my mom downstairs, she’ll somehow sort me out. I need her now more than ever. I don’t think I can do this by myself anymore. Everything I touch turns to shit, I’m like a freaking disaster area.
For now all I can do is sleep it off, just like Mom said. I should have listened to her all along. Clearly she knows better than me, I don’t know what’s good for me anymore. I’m just a mess.
Tomorrow will have to be a brand new day, I’ll just have to hope that I find a way to make all of this right. Somehow...
Chapter Twenty Four – Serena
I hang up the phone and throw it across the bed with tears in my eyes. I just cannot believe it. After months and months of hearing nothing, he calls me now with that attitude? He has to be kidding me!
“Who was that?”
Relief floods me as Jenny walks in the room. Thank God she’s back, I don’t know how I would do this without her. She keeps insisting that she didn’t come back from her life dancing on the cruise to look after me, that it was because she got a chance to dance in a music video – which I know is true, she’s been in a few – but I think a part of it was me as well. She feels bad for me, she thinks I’m young and naïve and I’ve been stupid.
She’s right, and I hate that she’s right.