Her eyes travel over to where Ben is and by the way her expression pales I can tell it isn’t good. I almost don’t want to look myself, but my head turns regardless as if my body has a mind of it’s own. There I see a sight that makes my heart stop dead in my chest.
“Holy fuck,” I mutter in shock. “What the hell?”
He has the most obviously beautiful red haired woman with massive round balloon type breasts pressed up against him. While Ben doesn’t necessarily look impressed by what she’s doing, he isn’t doing anything to push her off either, and judging by the way she’s touching him in a very familiar way it seems that she’s definitely touched him before...
Possibly in a sexual way.
I feel frozen to the spot as I drink this sight in. I guess I always assumed that he had an extensive past, but having his past thrust into my present isn’t pleasant at all. It makes me see all the other women that he’s probably been with, every single one of them more beautiful than me. My insecurities fly to the surface, I feel shitty, like I don’t deserve Ben which is probably the truth of it. I don’t think I’ve ever been good enough for him.
“Who is that?” Tia rasps next to me. “Do you know her?”
“No,” I reply with tears in my eyes. “No I don’t know her at all.”
I want to be strong. I wish I could just take this on the chin and not think anything of it, but I can’t. Sickness swirls inside of me so violently that I fear it
might burst free from my lips at any moment. The walls are closing in on me, panic is tearing through my veins, if I don’t get any breath into my lungs soon then I might just explode.
“I have to go to the bathroom.” I push past Tia with my vision blurring. “I’ll be back in a moment.”
I don’t look at anyone as I race through the bar at a million miles an hour. I keep my gaze on my feet. I do notice the tears splashing downwards, hitting my feet as I go but that doesn’t make me stop. I need to get into the bathroom, I need privacy, to feel everything that I’m experiencing inside.
I push the door open, gasping loudly and I practically fall into a stall. Once inside with the door locked I let the tears stream down my face. I’ve been kidding myself, living in a fantasy world, believing that everything is perfect. Inside Ben’s home it is, it really is, but when we bring us out into the real world it just isn’t anymore. We can’t hide away, I can’t day dream about getting married when surely soon enough this might all crash and burn. I need to think with more realism in my heart. This isn’t some fairy tale, it’s real life. I need to remember that.
“Hey!” a brass voice calls out as the door swings open. I rapidly brush away a couple of stray tears and suck in a breath. “Bar girl. Serena, or whatever your name is. You in here?”
My heart hammers rapidly, I don’t know what to do. Do I answer this unfamiliar voice or do I act like I’m not here? I assume it’s the red head which could mean that I’m about to have a very awkward conversation. Then again it might teach me more about the real Ben, not just the one that I’ve built up in my mind. If I’m going to go into this properly, with all the information to hand, then maybe that’s something I need to face.
“Y... yes,” I stammer as I try and clear up my face with a tissue. “I’m here.”
“Oh good.” I hear her body slam up against the bathroom door which makes me automatically take a step back. “Because I have something that I need to say to you. My name is Marie, you might know me I’m quite a famous glamour model around here.”
“Yes,” I lie since I haven’t actually got a clue who she is. “Okay.”
“Right, well I’ve just been speaking to Ben, who by the way I have been dating for years and years.” She’s an ex? I thought he didn’t have any girlfriends. Then again, maybe he’s a liar, I can’t totally rule that out yet. “And we last hooked up a few weeks ago. Probably just before he met you.” That honestly makes me feel sick to my stomach. I wretch over the toilet, but nothing comes out. “And he still wants me. I’m sure you can understand that, I mean you have seen me.” She laughs in a way that suggests she really believes it. “Of course he still wants me. He always comes back to me.”
“I...” I need to say something to defend myself. I can’t just take this lying down. I might be a pathetic weakling, but I don’t want her to know that. “He’s with me now.”
“Oh yeah, he just told me that, but that doesn’t mean anything. He always comes back to me. Always.”
I can’t take it anymore, I need to look her in the eye. I don’t want her to think that she’s totally got me beat. Even if she’s right, which there’s a good chance she might be, I need to come out of this with some for of dignity.
I push the door open, knocking her backwards which shocks her a bit and I stare into her eyes with a fire burning from me. “I don’t know who you are, Marie, but I’m telling you now that I don’t care what you say.”
“Try saying that without a shaky voice,” she laughs nastily. “Then maybe I might believe you.” She steps closer to me, towering over me in her sky high heels, and I have to admit that her overt sexiness has me intimidated. I feel like nothing. “Little girl, you might think that you’re the one to tame Ben, but you aren’t. He will soon get bored of you because you’re drab. He needs someone like me, someone beautiful and willing to let him go to do what he wants. We’re both free to be with other people but we always end up back together. He just can’t resist these lips.”
She stalks away from me, confident and tall leaving me like a deflated balloon. I want to sag right down, to collapse to the ground, my shaky legs almost do, but I just about manage to keep upright.
My eyes flicker over to the mirror and I examine the mess that I’ve become. My dark hair is chucked back into a messy bun that takes no effort, I have no make up on, my body is nothing like that of a glamour models... maybe Ben will get bored of me. Maybe he will go back to Marie, or someone like Marie. Am I kidding myself? Am I really being foolish?
It’s just lucky that I have my nest egg to keep me going if I need to move on. It isn’t much now, but it’s better than nothing. It’s a good job that I kept my position. If I had nothing then I would be really screwed right now.
I just need to get back out there with my head held high. That’s all. Screw Marie. I just need to look like I’m confident... even if I don’t feel it.
I suck in a deep breath and smooth my hair down, then I nod to myself. I have a job to do and it’s a job that I might need to keep more than ever. I need to just face the situation, whatever it might be.
Chapter Seventeen – Ben
Fucking Marie, honestly what a nightmare.