Mom nods slowly. “So, where did you meet this girl?”
“She’s a waitress at a bar I go to a lot, but I know it’s a job that she isn’t happy with. I’m hoping that by staying with me she will be able to find her passion.”
“I see. I think... I think I might need to meet her, don’t you? I don’t want you to start getting mixed up with the wrong girl.”
“This isn’t me getting mixed up, Mom. I know what I’m doing. I know what I’m doing with Serena. It really isn’t an issue. I know that you’re worried about me but you honestly don’t have to be. She’s a good person, she just needs this help.”
“I’m going to be honest with you, I don’t think you need someone to take care of you, I think I just want to meet her to see what she’s like. I want to know what’s so captivating about her.”
I roll my eyes. There’s clearly no getting away from this. She will make herself known to Serena whether I like it or not. I think it’s best that I take control of things and make sure she doesn’t do anything too damn embarrassing just because she cares.
“You can, Mom, but she only just moved in yesterday and she has work tonight.”
“I thought she was giving up the job.”
“Well that’s what I told her to do, but she doesn’t want to leave the company in the lurch. She’s good like that. She’s just going to ask to work behind the bar a couple of nights a week rather than being a shot girl every night. I said she doesn’t need to do anything but she wants to pay her way and save up some money so she can eventually, you know, move out or go her own way or whatever. The tips won’t be as good, but she’ll still have some form of income.”
“Oh well that’s good. She has some form of independence then, she doesn’t want to live solely off you. I think I might like her even more now.” Mom pauses thoughtfully for a moment. “Maybe this is the one that you should marry.”
Still, even now after meeting Serena the idea of getting married is too much. The thought of a big white wedding, a lifetime commitment, a contract that’s really hard to get out of... it’s terrifying. I’m not old enough, not mature enough, not anything enough actually. The fact that I’m letting things progress this much with Serena is enough.
“Mom, don’t make it something stressful, I already told you not to get too excited. This is just me helping her out. You’ll see when you meet her, we like each other, but it’s nothing to get carried away about.”
“You like each other? That’s reason enough for me.” Mom sits back in her seat and sips her coffee triumphantly. Her expression almost makes me laugh, she looks so damn pleased. “So tell me more about her. How old is she? What does she like? What are her family like?”
As I reel off the minimal details I do know about Serena, Mom lights up. I can see that every word I say only makes her like her more. In one way I’m really happy, but in another I’m terrified. In the romance department I’ve always been a let down to my mother. I don’t want to continue on with that tradition.
“She sounds like a lovely small town girl. You will have to bring her out to have dinner with me some time. Maybe at the weekend?”
“Ooh, I don’t know, Mom. Maybe, it might be too soon though. I don’t want to put the pressure on.”
“Maybe I should just pop into the city sometime then, swing by and meet her then in a much more casual setting. What do you think?”
“Yeah, that would probably work, Mom, but if you do come around please be cool. Don’t come in all heavy handed and freak her out. There’s no point in giving me that look, you know as well as I do that you could.”
Mom holds up her hands in defeat. “Fine, if I pop by I’ll be good. I won’t say anything to embarrass you.” Her face softens and I can see that she’s about to talk about Dad before she even begin. “You know, my Dad always humiliated me in front of your dad when we first started dating. It was awful, I hated him for it. I was so desperate not to give him any reason not to love me and I thought my father would be a problem... luckily he wasn’t.”
“It seems like Dad loved you a lot, Mom.” I always feel silly and stiff when I make these remarks because I don’t know. He might be genetically a part of me, but that’s it. “From everything that you’ve told me, it sounds like you had it great.”
“Let me go and get some pictures,” Mom says wistfully standing up. “I haven’t looked through the photographs in a while, but hearing about you and Serena has inspired me. You don’t mind, do you?” I shake my head, knowing that she will anyway. “Oh he would be so proud of you, finding the one.”
“I didn’t say that she’s the one Mom...”
But it’s too late, she’s already gone leaving me to stew in the sheer terror that she’s instilled in me. I know Serena isn’t expecting much, I can tell that she understands me, but what if that changes? What if our differences suddenly become too apparent and that translates into what we want? What if this is all novelty at the moment, and it wears off? What if just as I’m getting bored, Serena is getting more into it? Or the other way around, I can’t deny it could happen that way too...
Oh God, just stop it, I warn myself. I knew this would happen, coming to see Mom. I just need to stop freaking out before I wreck everything.
I get up and pace the room while I wait for Mom to come back with the endless photographs. There’s far too much of an itch in my foot for me to keep still. It’s okay, logically I’m sure it’ll be fine if me and Serena take this one step at a time, but now my brain is a bit too messy for that to be the only thought I have.
“Ooh, look, I’ve found one where he looks just like you.” Mom’s back and she has the photos with her. “Same eyes, same hair, same everything.”
Maybe getting myself lost in the past for a little while will help me to forget about my uncertain present. It’ll keep Mom distracted too, and since she’s the one pushing for me to have a happy ever after, she’s the one I need to calm down. The wild dancing look in her eyes is already dying down, if I can just get her to forget about Serena for long enough so I can leave without her messing me up even more, then that’s what I’ll do.
“Let me have a look. Mom.” I take the picture from her, trying to ignore the sheer pain it gives me inside. This isn’t for me, this is for Mom. I’ll do anything to keep her happy. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen that one before.”
Chapter Fourteen – Serena
I’m singing, actually humming a tune with happiness as I set about making breakfast for me and Ben. Jenny has left for her cruise, the rug of my life has been yanked out from underneath me, and yet I’m happy. I guess not all change has to be bad news.