“No, should I be?” Nathan asked.
“You should be,” I said. “Go ahead, take a load off and just relax a bit.”
“Ok, I’m relaxed. Are you going to phone sex me? What are you wearing? Yeah, that’s it… take it off… call me Vinnie… you like that…?
I tried to keep from laughing. “I do phone sex way better than that, man. I’d have you creaming all over your dickies if I really laid into it. But listen, I’ve got to tell you something.”
“What’s up?”
“That nanny of mine…”
“The hot one?”
“Yes, as opposed to the other nannies I don’t have because they don’t exist. Yes, she is very hot.”
“What about her?”
“I finally made a move and she accepted,” I said.
“Really? That’s awesome.”
“Yeah, I was afraid she was totally going to say this wasn’t ok with her, or that we shouldn’t be doing this, but I kissed her and she kissed back and the whole thing just took off from there.”
“Damn, that sounds hot. I’m going to get one hand free here.”
“Yeah, you’d like that you pervert. I’m telling you this because I’m way happy. This is unprecedented. I never dreamed it would actually happen, but we made love. And it was mind blowing. Man, I think I’m actually in love here.”
“Whoa… hold on … I’m happy you found a great woman and things are going along well for you, but don’t you think it’s a bit early to go saying things like that?”
“I do, but if it feels right then it feels right,” I said.
“Wow, I’m happy for you, man. I hope this is the real thing. Does she feel that way too?”
“I think so, but it’s too early to really say for sure. I haven’t really talked to her about it in this level of depth. Do you think I’m crazy? Is it really too early to feel this way? Or should it not matter? I don’t want to put time limits on things. I’ve always thought that was really stupid.”
“Yeah, I guess you have a point, but you should have that conversation with her soon. You never know until you do.”
“Well, we admitted that we have strong feelings for each other and that we want to see where this goes, but I just didn’t elaborate to her that I really think that she might be the one. And then when I start thinking that way, it’s like I feel I’m going crazy and I’m just jumping on the first feeling that really feels right.”
“You are overanalyzing this thing. Just wait and don’t tell her any of this. Let things develop naturally. You have plenty of time. You just started seeing each other. You have no reason to rush into anything.”
“Right. I’m just so impatient. I want results and I want them now. That sort of thing, you know?”
“Yeah, buddy. I know. You want to approach this like a business, but it’s not one. This isn’t analyzing data and trends to see where to move money and where is the least likely to lose your shirt gambling.”
I laughed. “Thanks, man. I needed to hear your friendly voice putting things in perspective. I’m not used to feeling this way. With people in general I’ve never been at all too hung up on how they respond to me, whether it is accepting me or rejecting me. It’s never mattered to me, but with this woman it feels like my entire life is hinging on it.”
“Yeah, it’s not. Just take it slow, one day at a time my friend.”
“Will do,” I said. “Thanks.”
I ended the call and sat back to sip my hot coffee. It was the way to start the morning. I was ready to text Teri and ask her how she felt about last night after a night’s sleep, but I didn’t dare do such a thing. I needed to force my mind onto other matters right now. I had some meetings to prepare for and if I wanted these investors to give me money for some new ventures then I was going to need to bring my A game. I couldn’t have my mind filled with all of this. Everything was going to be just fine.
I threw myself into work for the remainder of the morning and then I went to pick up some pizza for lunch at the closest pizzeria I frequented. It was the best. I loved it. So tasty. And afterwards I got in the car and drove to the next meeting I had scheduled.
As I drove along, I felt like I was on top of the world. I was not used to feeling the least bit out of control. Even when I was grieving I still felt like I was in control of it, as if I would decide exactly how long it lasted and I would decide when I wanted to bring it back again. I’d operated my entire life that way.
This was the first time I felt like I was not in control of myself or my emotions. I was at the mercy of forces I didn’t understand. But I had to change the way I reacted to this. I had to just let nature take its course and I would see how things went after it was over.