"You've never been kissed before. How about we remedy that?" The proximity of his lips wipes away any thought. At the moment, the only thing I can concentrate on is how his teeth tug at his lower lip. "Dani?"
"I...um..." My voice trails as I try to make sense of what he just said, but his lips are distracting me. Is he joking? What kind of response is appropriate for this?
"You just tell me when you're ready."
His tone is so casual; he might have just asked me if I want a bite of his steak. I am ruined for the day.
***
On Thursday night, we spend hours on the phone again, so I’m a zombie in class on Friday. To top that, Mr. Smith catches me texting Damon instead of solving an exercise. I end up with detention—for the first time in my school career. Damon visits the principal’s office again.
I buy lunch for both of us and go on the roof, waiting for Damon. He shows up ten minutes later, sporting a somber look and a hellish mood. He kicks a small twig that fell out of the oak towering over the roof. Every muscle in his body contorts with anger.
"I can't wait to be eighteen and get out of fucking California."
"Damon—”
"They know." He turns to me abruptly. "The teachers. I thought the principal would have the fucking decency to keep it to himself, but he told them. They know about Mom."
"That's not so bad," I say, thinking that now they'll understand why he acts out.
"They pity me, Dani. I don't want their pity."
"Oh."
He sits in front of me, his legs crossed, his shoulders hunched. He's buzzing with tension; I'm waiting for him to snap at any moment.
"Sorry about your detention."
"Oh, it was about time," I say cheerfully. "Hazel is very proud of me. She just texted me."
"Your parents?"
I snort. "Don't worry. Unless I drop out of school or something, they'll never take an interest in what I’m doing. They never do."
"James?"
That makes me pause. James does take an active interest in what I do. Yes, he occasionally mocks me for being such a good kid, but I know he doesn't mean it.
"I don't think they'll call him or anything. They never have before."
"They never had a reason before," he points out.
After we finish eating, he lies on his back, putting his head in my lap like it's the most natural thing to do. Instantly, warmth pools low in my abdomen and the spot between my thighs like someone lit up every single cell. I stay still like a statue, hoping my body's reaction to him is noticeable only to me.
"Dani, I want to ask you something and you to answer honestly."
"Okay."
"Why are you putting up with me?"
"I know what pain does to people," I say quietly. I've seen it in my brother. Pain and loss are hard to bear. I was too young to help my brother, but I can help Damon. "It can lead you to do self-destructive things."
He lifts himself up until he is at the same level with me, and so close I can count his eyelashes. "What if I’m already on that self-destructive path?"
"Maybe I can pull you back." I watch the almost-healed lip, and the still-black eye. He is on that path; I know it. "Would you let me?"
"You might be the only one I would, but I don't think I should. I might end up pulling you with me instead."