“Thank you,” I say.
Tom disappears into a side room before Nate and I have time to open our mouths again.
“Why did he look terrified when he saw you?” Nate asks once we’re back outside.
“I might have lashed out at him earlier.”
“Of course you did.” His hand is still at the small of my back, moving in a small motion.
“Are you sure you can be here? You said being with your team during this kickoff time is important.”
“Alice,” he says softly, bringing his hand to my chin, his thumb rubbing small circles at one corner of my lips. “This is important. You are important.”
His words travel straight through me, and my heart gives a little squeeze.
“Let’s walk around a bit.” I guide him in the opposite direction from the picnic tables because I need a breather. Putting up the bravado in front of my siblings has completely depleted me.
“Do you need anything?”
I bite the inside of my cheeks, remembering what he said to me this morning on the hood of his car—that if I want him to hold me, all I have to do is ask. So I go out on a limb.
“Can you hold me? Really tight?” Damn, I didn’t mean to sound needy.
By way of answering, Nate pulls me in for a hug. I lose myself in his strong, warm arms, resting my head against his chest, breathing in deeply. It’s the first deep breath—the first real breath—I’ve taken in hours.
“I’m so scared for my baby brother,” I whisper after a while, pulling away. My voice is so low, I’m not sure if Nate heard me at all. “I read online about all the things that can go wrong in a situation like this. It’s awful.”
“Why? Avoid the Internet. It’ll always bring out the worst-case scenarios. Years ago, I made the mistake of looking up my symptoms when I had the flu. I was convinced I was going to die after researching.”
Shrugging, I pull the phone out of my pocket, holding it up. “I wanted to feel productive, so I searched online on my phone.”
Nate snatches the phone, shoving it in his pocket.
“Hey!”
“No more phone for you.”
“But what if my parents call, or any of my siblings?”
“I’ll talk to them.” There’s no room for negotiation in his voice and I don’t argue, grateful there’s someone here to take charge.
Nate wraps his strong arms around me again. “Everything will be all right.”
In this moment, I allow myself to believe it will be.
***
Eventually we return to the picnic tables, and hours pass. After the sun sets, my anxiety skyrockets again. I exchange glances with my siblings and Nate, but none of us speak, which I think helps. I once read that verbalizing a fear increases its power.
I run my palms up and down my thighs, pressing the tongue to the roof of my mouth. On the other side of the table, Blake massages his temples and Summer chews on her lower lip so aggressively I’m afraid she’ll draw blood. Sitting next to me, Nate touches my outer thigh with his knee.
When I can’t stand sitting around waiting anymore, I spring to my feet, intending to head inside to Tom. The door swings open at precisely the same moment, and Tom himself walks to us.
“Good news! I just spoke to the rescue team. Your brother is safe and sound and—”
We erupt in cheering, drowning Tom’s voice. My body feels as light as a feather.
“Since it’s dark and late, and the park is officially closed, he’ll stay at one of the camping stations tonight,” Tom continues, instantly dampening everyone’s mood. I was hoping to see my brother tonight, check for myself that he’s all right.