“There’s not much to tell.” Avery shrugged, then dug in to her ice cream and shoved a spoonful in her mouth. “Look. It’s fine. We decided it couldn’t work out. That’s all.”
“But why?”
“He’s leaving,” Avery said, all too aware of how clipped her voice sounded.
“So what? You always knew he was leaving. You never minded waiting for him before.”
“Look, I know you’re trying to help, but you can save it. I’ve been over all this. It’s done.”
Myla shook her head. “It’s not done. Avery, I love you, but you’re being a real idiot right now. I know what you’re doing.”
“Why does everyone suddenly think they’re an expert on my life?”
“It’s not sudden, and I’m far from being an expert.” Myla squeezed her friend’s shoulder. “But I’ve seen what breakups do to you. I saw the terror in your eyes when I told you Holden loved you. You freaked out and ran away. It’s what you do, but I think Holden is just crazy enough about you to take you back.”
“Myla…just stop. I thought we had a deal.” Avery pointed to her sparkly pink journal. “I wrote in the damn thing, now keep up your end of the bargain. No more talking about Holden.” Her friend meant well, but she didn’t understand. She couldn’t understand.
Because the truth was that she knew—had always known—that Holden loved her, just as deeply and ardently as she loved him. She loved him from the bottom of her soul, not because he was her friend, but because when she thought of how she wanted her life to be, she always found him standing by her side. He made her laugh. He made her weak at the knees.
He made her whole.
But that wasn’t enough. Not for a man like him.
“I can’t do that, not when you’re acting like this. Why can’t you just accept that you love him?” Myla’s words were practically a whisper, and the back of Avery’s throat felt scratchy with unshed tears.
“I know that I love him, but that doesn’t change anything. Can’t you understand? He is destined for greatness. He comes from a whole line of people bred to be the best citizens in the country, made for all the best things life has to offer. From the first time I met him, I knew that I loved him, but I also knew that we were not cut from that same cloth. That I…I was meant for scrapping and clawing and climbing. He deserves a wife he can be proud of. A wife he can take to state dinners, and a woman he can present to his mother without her curling her lip in disgust. I’ll never be that girl. I’m just not built that way.”
“Avery—” Myla tried to cut in, but Avery was tired of people telling her what she already knew. She had to make them understand the truth.
“Even if he doesn’t care about any of that now, he would. I’d be holding him back. And then to make it worse, I wouldn’t be able to take care of him the way he needed to be cared for. I couldn’t—”
“All I hear are excuses,” Myla argued, and Avery closed her mouth with a snap. “You’re scared of trying. This isn’t about you not being worthy, this is about you not being vulnerable. Look, I love you, but you’re a coward. This is what you do whenever something hard happens—you hide and pretend to do something brave. Well skydiving isn’t brave, and throwing parties isn’t brave. Sitting here with me in the middle of your apartment isn’t brave. Going and telling the man you love that you love him, not knowing what will happen, is brave. Trusting that love is going to guide you to happiness? That’s the bravest thing ever.”
“I just…” Avery met her friend’s unwavering gaze for a long moment. “What if he says it’s too late?”
“What if it’s not? There’s only one way to find out.”
Chapter Nineteen
“To our son.” Holden’s mother lifted her champagne glass high over the table, and the carbonation sparkled in the restaurant lights.
He was back in the hotel, staying in the extra room his parents had booked and hating every minute of it. Every time he turned around, his father was standing there, asking for more details about his forthcoming deployment and where he’d be stationed next.
In truth, Holden didn’t want to think about any of it just yet. He knew, of course, that he’d have to move on, but the idea of going back into the line of duty without knowing that Avery would be there waiting…
That wasn’t a prospect he’d ever been interested in, captain or not.
“Before long, you’ll be looking at the White House.” His father clinked glasses with each of them, then took a swig of his champagne. Holden left his untouched.
“Maybe before you head off, we could see a little more of California,” his mother said. “Or we could fly out to Hawaii and visit Max for a while. I know he’d want to see everyone.”
“Oh, that’s all right. I only have a few days left, and I just want to relax,” Holden said then stared down at his food. The day before, he’d been on the phone with Tom, and his brother’s words kept ringing in his head, so loudly, in fact, that Holden had trouble focusing on anything else.
Holden had told his brother the whole sordid tale, his decision not to tell Avery about his contract and redeployment. He’d spilled his guts about everything that had happened that night at the gallery, and when he was done, Tom cleared his throat into the speaker.
“You love her,” Tom had said.
“Of course. I’ve always loved her,” Holden said.