But even five years didn’t seem long enough.
…
As Avery walked through the back door of the gallery and into the alleyway to join him, her eyes flashed.
This was a look he recognized, and his heart pounded as he took it in.
“When do you leave, Holden? For Afghanistan? Or is it Iraq this time? Or maybe Syria?”
Wind whooshed from his lungs. So that was what she was on to. “Who told you about that?”
Avery stared down at her fingernails, intent on something he couldn’t see. Probably wondering if they were sharp enough to rip out his esophagus. “Does it matter?”
“No, I guess not.”
“So, what’s the answer?”
He sighed. “I was going to tell you.”
“You were.” It wasn’t a question, but he still felt the urge to answer it.
“I was. Frankly, I don’t know why you’re so upset. You didn’t even want to be a part of my life until yesterday. You’re the one who kept pushing me away. What do you care if I’m away again?”
“How is that even a valid question?” Her quiet rage had snapped, blossoming into fury, her eyes flashing with every word. She stepped closer to him, crossing the alley in practically one leap, her voice raised loud enough to convey her anger.
“It’s the truth.” His tone was hard, reserved. “How was I supposed to tell you I was leaving the first night we were together as a couple?”
“That’s bullshit. You spent a week trying to convince me to give up my life and wait for you. You want us to be together for real, and then you rip it all away and tell me you’re going off to war but you’ll be sure to call me later?”
He flung his hands up, lost as to what to do. She’d hardly been at Myla’s for twenty minutes—not nearly enough time for him to figure out what he was going to do, let alone tell her in any clear terms what his intentions were.
But then, why was he the one who had to change everything? Why was he the one who had to keep chasing and begging and hoping? He’d done so much for this relationship—so much for her. Wasn’t it time that he finally saw some fraction of that same consideration?
“What did you think I was going to do? I’m a captain.” He spat the words, though he instantly regretted them.
“I thought you were going to stay. I thought we were going to be together in some weird, awful, making-your-favorite-food-without-poisoning-you kind of way. That’s what I thought.” She put her hands on her hips, her gaze searching his for something he knew he couldn’t give.
But she wasn’t just asking him to give up the Marines. She was asking for him to give up everything he was, everything he’d worked for. All for her.
She was worth everything to him, but did he have to give up his whole life, who he was, in order to have her?
He curled his hands into fists. “Yeah, Avery, I remember you telling me over and over again that you wanted to be together. You’ve always been big on settling down.”
“I was, once you convinced me to do it.”
“Avery—”
“You lied to me.” She choked on the word.
“How did I lie? You knew who I was, who I am. I never said I was going to stay. All I said was that I wanted to be with you. I’m not the one who keeps running from this.”
She stared at him, silent tears trailing her cheeks. When she spoke, the words were nearly a whisper. “No. You’re the one who keeps leaving. So, go right ahead. Leave again. Like you always do.” She hitched her pocketbook higher onto her shoulder.
“Don’t do this.”
“Do what?” She paused on the steps back into the gallery, her back to him. She may not have been acting like it, but he knew she was listening. All he had to do was find the right words.
The only problem was he had none to offer.