His expression didn’t shift as he placed another beautiful sigil in the inner circle. “I would much prefer to train you and have you work with me as a summoner.” He spoke as though having me bound in the center of a ritual was as natural as discussing this over coffee.
“Wow,” I said. “That’s a tempting offer. And you’ve been so nice in your approach.” I loaded my voice with sarcasm. “Gosh. What to do, what to do!” I tipped my eyes upward and pretended to contemplate. “Hmm. I can stay with the lord who’s been pretty damn decent to me so far and who swore not to harm me. Or I can go with the one who kidnapped me, hurt me, and now has me tied up inside a ritual diagram.” I threw my hands up. “Gosh! It’s a motherfucking conundrum!”
I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of hold Mzatal had over Idris to get him to cooperate so fully and eagerly. He seemed like a sweet kid. Had the lord messed with his mind somehow? The thought left me cold.
Mzatal released a sigil into the pattern and dropped his hands to his sides as he regarded me with the barest flicker of what might have been anger or annoyance. “Kara Gillian, you are ignorant and naïve in these matters, both of which are correctable. I will help you see things more clearly.”
My own anger flared in response. “Y’know, I’m not always the sharpest knife in the drawer, and I’m well aware that there are some serious gaps in my knowledge, but I do know that your people skills suck the sweat from a dead dog’s balls.” I clenched my hands, true fear of mind manipulation thrashing beneath the anger. “Don’t you dare fuck with my head. Don’t you fucking dare.”
“I do what I must,” was his infuriating—and terrifying—reply as he began to move around the pattern and behind me. “Proper training and perspective are crucial.”
His words dropped like acid into my belly. There was nothing to stop him from stripping my will and personality, and I realized I was far more terrified of that than of dying. “Don’t,” I said, disheartened to find myself begging. “Please don’t take my mind from me.”
I felt his presence close in on me from behind and let out a gasp as he took my head between his hands in a disturbing echo of when he’d been on the verge of snapping my neck. “It frightens you to your core,” he murmured. “Why?”
I fought to push down the terror with anger. “Because I like me,” I snapped. “Because I have goals and dreams, and if I’m not me then I won’t ever get there.” I swallowed hard. “I won’t know to…push and strive and learn. If I’m not me I won’t fall in love or help others, and I won’t have my friends and Tessa anymore…and all that shit matters to me and other people. I matter!”
He held my head for a heartbeat more. “Then never lose yourself,” he said before releasing me and stepping back.
I took several deep breaths, more than a little confused by his mandate, though utterly determined to do just that. I tried to think of some possible way to resist, but my options were pretty damn scant.
Idris entered, silky white shirt stuck to his body with sweat. He looked at me, then his eyes skittered away to Mzatal. “The wards are laid, my lord.”
Mzatal moved around in front of me again. “Well done,” he told Idris. “I will assess them. While I do so, lay a hakihn perimeter here, and I will begin the mark removal upon my return.” Clasping his hands behind his back, he strode out, leaving me alone with Idris.
I kept my eyes hard on him as he began to work. “Mzatal’s going to hurt me,” I said, keeping my voice as even as possible. “You know that, right?”
Idris paled and shook his head. “I…No. I mean…” He trailed off.
My focus remained locked on him. “Nah, it’s cool,” I said with a casual shrug I sure as shit didn’t feel. “You’re just following orders. I get it.”
His throat bobbed as he swallowed. “I’m sorry. I gotta…” He traced a sigil, then dispersed it as it shimmered unevenly, clearly wrong. “He’s…well.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I don’t know enough about what’s going on.”
I wanted to flay him for that, lay him open with a verbal barrage about taking some personal responsibility. But I didn’t. I knew it wouldn’t make a difference in the end. It was obvious he was already torn and feeling guilty, yet he still continued to work the perimeter. I did take a not-insignificant amount of pleasure in the fact that every third sigil had to be dispersed and reset. Good. At least I was getting to him.
“Maybe it won’t hurt,” Idris offered. “I mean, the diagram looks like it’s more for support and stabilization than anything else.”
“Whatever lets you sleep at night,” I replied calmly, pleased when he jerked and had to redo yet another sigil. I stood still with my eyes half-closed as I tried to find some sort of gap or weakness in the diagram. It didn’t help that I didn’t know what most of the sigils meant, or that I was wearing a fucking anti-arcane collar. My stomach churned with frustration. I wanted to be back in the grove, surrounded by that incredible sense of peace.
My breathing slowed as I focused on that memory, and I clung to it as Mzatal returned. His gaze swept the whole of the chamber, floor to ceiling and back down again as he assessed everything. “Idris, you are not finished,” he said. He didn’t raise his voice, yet his tone still cut like a knife.
Idris flushed. I allowed myself to enjoy the small victory.
“I…” Idris’s voice shook, but then he straightened, misery etched on his face as he looked to Mzatal. “I let myself get distracted, my lord.”
Mzatal’s gaze remained on Idris for several heartbeats. For an instant I almost pitied the kid. But only for an instant. As much as he wanted to deny it, he was a part of what was about to happen to me. I continued to focus on deep breaths while I held the memory of the grove firm in my head.
“Step back,” Mzatal said, the intensity of the command palpable. Idris did so, looking more than a little shell-shocked. The lord stepped up to the diagram and finished the perimeter in a matter of seconds, then moved to stand beyond the circle and directly in front of me. “And so we begin.”
My calm wavered at his words. I sunk deeper in the memory of the grove while I kept my eyes on Mzatal. All I want is a way to keep him from hurting me. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently so. Mzatal stepped into the diagram and lifted a hand to wrap potency around my right wrist, trapping it to my side. With a sweep of his other hand, he ignited the diagram around us in shimmering beauty that belied its darker purpose. He reached and grasped my left wrist in an uncompromising grip and pulled my arm toward him. Fear rose again, and I clung to the feel of the grove. Its touch enveloped me in comfortable, tangible presence, like a blanket fresh out of the dryer on a frigid day.
He placed a hand over my left forearm, over the mark. I watched warily as he silently assessed it. After a moment he lifted his eyes to mine, a seething mix of anger and disgust backing his gaze. “Tell me how this was made,” he said, voice carrying an echo of strain.
I didn’t want to tell him a damn thing, but I also knew that he could easily delve and strip the memory out of me if he so desired.
“I was working a case,” I told him. “A series of murders that didn’t look like murders. I could tell that the essences of the victims were gone. My partner, Ryan, and I found her—the woman who was doing it. But she got the jump on us and managed to get hold of Ryan.” I paused, swallowed as the memory of those awful few minutes rose. “She threatened to consume his essence if I didn’t open a portal and allow her to have more hriss.” I took a deep breath and touched the warm-blanket presence for calm.