“That can often happen. The brain often hides things from us thinking it’s protecting us. I’m sure when you saw your husband your brain must have known he was a safe place, and it let you know that. Head trauma can be tricky. The brain is a powerful thing.”
I nod in agreement, thinking over her words. Why did I so badly want to forget what happened to me?
She asks me a bunch of standard questions and starts her exam before she has me lie back on the table and starts setting up for the sonogram. Dane stands, coming to my side. His hand takes mine as he leans down and gives me a kiss on my forehead. My gentle giant.
I jerk my eyes away from Dane when the sound of the baby's heartbeat fills the room.
“It’s so fast.”
“That’s normal,” Dane answers me before the doctor can. I give him a look of surprise. He shrugs. “I might have thumbed through a baby book last night.” My eyes start to fill with tears. “None of that.” He narrows his eyes on me like his hard gaze will get me to stop crying. It actually does work because I laugh. I’m sure others would jump. But that face doesn't work on me.
“Everything is looking great so far.” She keeps moving the little wand around, taking pictures. I stare at the screen watching. “Do you want to know the sex?” A rush of excitement fills me.
“You can tell already? I thought twenty weeks.”
“Years ago, sure. Not these days. We have better equipment,” she says.
“What do you think? Do we want to know?” I ask Dane.
“That’s up to you, sweetheart. Whichever you want is fine with me.” I only think about it for a few seconds.
“I want to know. We’ve had enough surprises lately.”
“Well, I hope you like the color blue,” she tells us. My chest fills with warmth.
“We’re having a baby boy.” This time I can’t stop the tears. Dane leans down and kisses me.
“Thank you,” he says softly.
“He’s a little on the big side size-wise, but judging from his father, that’s to be expected.” She hands us a bunch of sonogram pictures.
A tiny Dane. How will I ever handle two of them? I sit back up as she goes over more stuff with us before setting up our next appointment.
“I’m not sure we’ll be here then but let's set the appointment to be safe,” Dane tells her. A reminder that New Hope isn't my home.
Dane takes my hand, leading me back out to the car and opening the door for me. When he gets in on the other side, he starts the car but doesn't go anywhere.
“What’s wrong? You went from excited to worried. If you don’t tell me these things, I can’t fix them.”
“Do you always fix everything for me?”
“Yes, unless you hide something from me, because you know I’ll insert myself.” That is not surprising in the least. “Please tell me, Kennedy.”
“You keep mentioning us leaving here. To me this place is all I know. I love the shelter and the girls there. I was even offered a job.”
“I hate thinking about you being in a shelter.” His knuckles start to turn white as he grips the steering wheel in a death-hold.
“Don’t be upset. I’ve met a lot of great people there. I wish I could have introduced you to Faith.” I drop my head, sadness filling me. Dane starts the car.
“We’ll go to the shelter now. I want to see it. You said you wanted to show me.”
“Yes! The ladies are going to love seeing the pictures of the baby.” Dane pulls out of the parking lot headed for the shelter.
“Why don’t you tell me all about Faith on the way?”
Dane reaches out, putting his hand on my leg while I tell him about the little girl that stole my heart. We connected so easily from the very start. I think because we were both lost. Faith doesn't think she really belongs anywhere. It’s heartbreaking for such a young child to think that. To not have the love and support they deserve. Even though I hate how I came into her life, I’m glad that I did. At least she has me and everyone at the shelter as a steady in her life.
“I’m really worried about her. I don’t trust her mother. One time I gave Faith books, and her mother tried to toss them out. Another time I found all the pictures Faith had made for her crumpled up in the trash. She’d been hoping to put them on the walls of their rooms.”
Tears start to run down my cheeks thinking about her out there with her horrible mother. “It’s a miracle something worse hasn’t happened to her. They are at Healing Homes because Lisa and her ex got into a fist fight from my understanding.” I swipe a few tears from my cheeks. I know Dane hates seeing them. “Which is crazy! He’s shown up looking for her and he’s giant. Nothing compared to how giant you are, but pretty dang big.”