But I know that even though those people are in my past, they are also the future.
My present is right here. Flint kisses me again, and I gasp, pressing my hands to my belly.
“She kicked,” I say in a whisper, tears in my eyes.
We lost the lives we once had, but the one we are living right now is pretty miraculous.
12
Flint
The entire pregnancy, I haven’t been able to get over how beautiful Fancy is. With each passing day, she's glowing even more. And now, we are days away from meeting our child.
"What are you looking at?" she asks, smiling at me as I set some tuna steaks on my stone grill.
I shrug, "Just thinking about how beautiful you are."
She grins. "You sure know how to make me feel special."
I pause. "Good. Because you are. I know I'm not exactly Prince Charming, but..."
She shakes her head, "Don't say that. You are my dream come true. Although I didn’t see it happening quite like this."
She's at our work table slicing fruit and vegetables for a salad. We've gotten good at scouring the jungle most mornings for food. She rests in the afternoon with A.B., and I do some hunting or work on a project. Recently, I’ve been making a bassinet for the baby.
When dinner's ready, we sit down at our table. Yes, we have a proper table and chairs now. I promised her I'd make this place a little more homey, and I have. We have a pergola with jungle vines wrapped around it to give us an al fresco dining experience. The fire pit has been surrounded by rocks to give it a more permanent location. And Fancy made a pathway from the cave to our lean-to.
A.B. sleeps in a nest we’ve made for him. Every month he seems to double in size. Now he's fully grown. At least that's what Fancy says, and I trust her, considering she's a paleontologist.
At dinner I take Fancy's hand and squeeze it. "I know we're not much for serious conversations at dinner, but I want you to know, Fancy, this baby's coming soon and it's going to be a whole new experience. A.B. gave us a bit of an idea of what it would be like to be parents, but... we have a lot to learn."
She smiles wistfully, looking over at A.B., who is snoring blissfully. The club on his tail could take someone out, and I’m glad we are not his target.
"I know,” Fancy says. “He feels like our child, but he is a dinosaur. He doesn't need us the same way this baby's going to need us." She sighs, cutting into her food. "I'm nervous," she admits. "I don't know what a good relationship between a mother and a child looks like."
"I know," I tell her, "I doubt myself all the time. How am I going to be able to handle this? Am I going to be everything this baby needs? Everything you need?” I shake my head, opening my heart to the woman I love. “Sometimes I wish I had a self-help book or a therapist to give me a pep talk. I don't want to mess up. I want to be everything you need, everything this baby needs."
"I guess we'll learn how together," she says softly. "Heck, we traveled two million years, I think we can do this. We can do anything as long as we’re together."
When the baby comes, it's loud and wild and terrifying. Fancy screams through every contraction, even though she practiced her breathing. Truth is, we don't really know what a Lamaze class would have looked like. When we both landed here, having children was far from our minds.
"You got it, baby," I tell her, squeezing her hand. "You’re doing great." I give her a sip of water and run a cool rag over her forehead.
She cries, "I don't think I can do it. It's taking too long. I think the baby is too big to come out."
I shake my head. "That's not an option," I tell her. "Focus on bringing this baby into the world. You can't fall apart, honey. You can't." Tears are in her eyes and I know she's scared because when this baby arrives, our world is going to change again.
There'll be an innocent child relying on us for everything, and in a world like this, in this prehistoric time, that responsibility is daunting.
Outside the cave, A.B. paces, worried and protective. Sometimes I hate that I was so dead set on not hatching that egg because A.B. is more than a watchdog, he's our bodyguard.
"You got this," I say. "Just think of seeing our baby’s face."
Fancy nods. "Okay." She bears down, squeezing her eyes and her fists tight until I see the head.
"Oh my God," I exclaim, tears in my goddamn eyes. I may be a wild ass cave man, but I'm also about to be a dad, a father. "I see her hair," I say. "It's just like yours."