“What about letting me down? What exactly are you saying here, Declan? You know I would never ever ask you to go against your band, or choose between your friends and me. I thought we were stronger than this.”
“Do you even understand how I feel about this? I fucking love you! I’ve been sick trying to find a way to talk to you about this. I…”
“Bullshit! What else is going on? This isn’t about just my security because if that was the case, my dad would have someone available to watch me immediately. I’ll give you one more chance to tell me what the FUCK IS GOING ON?!”
I hit a nerve; his body completely deflates. “Jay and the marketing team want me to appear single and unattached. They think the band’s appeal will increase based on our looks and sound. The lead singer being engaged to an MBA student in his hometown isn’t edgy enough. They say it makes us look more ‘boy next door’ than ‘rock and roll newcomers.’”
OH MY GOD! Not only is Declan leaving for the summer without me, but he’s going to hide our engagement too.
“Declan, did you agree to this? Oh my God, are you going to hook up with random chicks in every city to create a bad boy image? ” This can’t be happening. Today started out so normal.
“Listen to me; I AM NOT hooking up with anyone! I promised you once and I still mean it. You are the only one for me. I fucking love you! It’s just for a few months. I need you to believe me.”
“Why would you even agree to this? What am I supposed to tell the people that think we’re engaged- our friends- my family? What about that, Declan?”
“Tell them the truth. This is a ploy for marketing. What am I supposed to do, Raven? I’m thrown in a corner here. Jay sidelined the guys and told them his plan before he spoke to me. They agreed to convince me this was the best thing for us. I don’t agree, but what can I do?”
“I can’t believe this. I thought the guys and I were friends. I fucking talk to Jay every damn day. How can they be so two-faced? What did I ever do to them? You’re not yourself right now. Please tell me you’re delusional and are having a momentary lapse in judgment.”
He stays quiet.
“You do know that this changes our relationship, right? If you go forward with this whole plan to leave me behind and pretend to be single while you shoot to stardom, I won’t be waiting in the wings silently. I want you to be successful, Declan. I want Sayge to sell out at auditoriums and stages everywhere. I want to be by your side through your triumphs and cheer you on as your partner. If you choose to do this, I can’t promise I’ll be here at the end of the summer waiting for you.”
“What are you saying, Raven? Are you breaking our engagement because I agreed to play along for my band’s success? You can’t give us six weeks to prove ourselves and make a name for ourselves? You know there will never be anyone but you. I owe it to these guys.” This is the second time he said that.
There it is; he’s already decided. He’s leaving me behind and touring as a single man. My heart breaks. I feel the torment in his voice as he tells me his final decision, but I never thought we we’d be in this position in the first place. I don’t say anything; I nod my head in agreement.
He picks me up and carries me to bed. He holds me all night, trying to heal the hurt. But for me, there’s no going back.
Chapter 41
Believe in Us
To say things have been strained between Declan and I is an understatement. Over the past month, I’ve kept up appearances as normal, but I was struggling. I refused to go anywhere near Nate, Blake, Cooper, or Jay. I skipped the last few weeks at The Steamroom. The guys quickly figured out that I knew what happened and they tried repeatedly to get in touch with me. I ignored their phone calls and texts. I even snuck out of the house when they showed up at Declan’s. Declan didn’t interfere because he knew the position he put me in. Abbi and Ella knew something was wrong and they finally approach me. I was in my room packing a bag for a week in Atlanta when they barged in.
“Enough already, spill.” Ella demands.
I can’t hold back my emotions; I drop to my bed and start bawling. They both hold me close until I calm down enough to tell them the story. They’re furious. I’ve never seen Abbi this upset.
“That fucking bastard! All of them are fucking bastards! I can’t wait until I see them again. They better hope I’ve calmed down.” Abbi paces across the room.
“Don’t worry about it; I see the logic in the plan. It’s my heart that can’t see past the hurt.”
“
Raven, what are you going to do?”
“Well, for starters, I’m going to Atlanta this week to help Charlie pack her stuff and move back here.”
“Then what?” Ella prompts.
“Then, I’m not sure. I’m thinking about taking a summer job but the details aren’t finalized.”
“Are you going to break the engagement?”
“I’m not sure about that either. My heart says no. There’s a part of me that’s waiting for Declan to tell me he’s changed his mind. I keep hoping he’ll walk in here and tell me he’s a major fuck-up and screw what everyone else thinks.”
They nod.