I try to push my apprehension away. I have to go back to his place at some point. We discussed it this morning, and I agreed, but only because he was going to be with me. The thought of walking in alone makes my head spin.
Bizzy scans my face, her sixth sense kicking in, and she gives me a look I know well. “Actually, I’m taking her to our condo. You swing by and get her when you’re done.”
Grace picks up immediately, nodding a little too enthusiastically. “We need more time with Claire, and there is no sense for her to be alone.”
“I think it’s a great idea. I can see Brinley,” I add.
“A few days ago, you disowned these two and vowed to find new friends,” he points out.
“Yes, but I’m over it. Besides, I never disowned Brinley. If she’s going to grow up with any sort of snark, she needs me. We should start early,” I semi-tell the truth.
He leans to the side to study me, his eyes clouding, but nods without any further argument. “I need a minute before you leave.”
“We’ll meet you at the elevator.” Bizzy and Grace scoot by us, Bizzy poking my side in support.
When we’re alone, his mood shifts. “There a reason you girls think I’m a complete fucking dumbass?”
“I don’t think you’re a dumbass.” I turn into him.
“Then tell me why you three think I believe for one second you going to Bizzy’s house is better than you going home and relaxing. Instead, you want me to drag my ass ten miles out of the way to pick you up when I know for certain Shaw wants Bizzy in his lap, on the patio, drinking wine and making plans for getting Brayden this Saturday?”
Guilt seeps in, because this sounds exactly what they do each week before he comes to visit. I can’t dwell on it too long because Mathis’s arms tighten, waiting for an answer. “I really need to up my A-game,” is all I respond.
“Not with me you don’t, because that shit no longer works. It wasn’t your words; it was the attitude. The air changed, and your back tensed. Your pulse sped, and I could physically feel your neck brace.”
Holy hell, I had no idea that happened. “You felt all that?”
“Why the fuck do you think I kept you naked and vulnerable for so long? I needed to know how to read you after spending too long missing the signs.”
“That’s not fair!” I struggle to get away from him.
“Yes, it is. No more games, no more hiding. Remember? Or did I lay in that bed alone?” he asks.
Fuck it, might as well tell him now before this results in more drama I don’t have the energy for. “I’m not going back to your place without you. It’s too…” I search for the right word, trying to sound strong and yet gentle, “…difficult.”
His eyes flare, and a pain I’ve never witnessed before sets in. “I didn’t think, baby, with all that’s happened. It didn’t cross my mind.”
“I’m not weak.” I feel the need to defend myself.
“No, you?
?re one of the strongest people I know. We’ll go back there together.”
“I think that’s best.” I swallow hard, hoping to coat the dryness in my throat and breathe deep, hating these overwhelming emotions that keep popping up.
He studies me a second before kissing me briefly, taking me to the locker room, and getting my bag then leading me to the elevator.
A few of my patients yell goodbye from the rec room, and I smile, waving goodnight. Mathis stands with his arms crossed and mouths ‘I love you’ before the doors shut.
“Did he tell you about Charlotte?” Bizzy asks quietly, linking her arm in mine.
“Yes, he told me everything.”
“Does this mean you’re in the know about how possessive he’s been about you for years?”
“I think I’ve got a clue.”
“Thank God for that.” Grace nudges me. “Now, we can get to the fun stuff.”