She nods but remains quiet, her breath now slowing.
“The last thing I want is for you to hurt, Bizzy. Any man who’s a real man, knows you’re the kind of woman who men would give their last dying breath to see smile. You’re the kind of woman a man fights for until there’s nothing left. And to me, there will always be something to fight for.”
I squeeze tighter, trying not to crush her, but unable to get her close enough. I knew this was coming. As much as I wanted to believe my devotion would be enough, it isn’t.
Now, I’m no longer scared.
I’m terrified.
Chapter 21
Bizzy
“It’s so sad,” Claire speaks to no one in particular but expresses what we’re all feeling.
I sit numbly, staring at the bottle of water in front of me, remembering sweet Grady’s face the last time I saw him. He was so frail and weak, but his smile lit up his room. Claire and I visited him a few days ago, knowing it would most likely be our last time to see him alive.
He died this morning. Nurse Evie received the news an hour after Claire and I arrived for our shift. Everyone on the floor held it together, but it was tough, knowing we all cared about that young man.
A few nurses and patient techs all took our break together and came to the cafeteria so we could discuss him away from the other kids. So far, we’ve organized food drops-offs and coordinated our schedules so half of us could attend the visitation and the other half attend the funeral. Because of my connection, I’m attending both.
The table goes silent, but I’m too lost to lift my head and see why. When a Coke is slid in front of me and big strong arms circle me from behind, I let out a choke and close my eyes.
Nicky’s hold strengthens, and I twist into his embrace.
“Biz, I’m so sorry.”
He doesn’t ask ‘how are you doing?’ or ‘how are you feeling?’ because he knows.
“Thanks.” I grip his arms in support.
We stay like this for a few minutes, Claire coming to us and Nicky sliding his arm over her. There are no tears, just silent sadness.
“What are you doing here? Don’t you have a game tomorrow to prepare for?” I lean back and catch the worry in his eyes.
“Shaw called. I came. He wanted to be here.”
There’s no need to say more because Shaw is meeting Sasha today for another ultrasound. They hope to find out the sex of the baby.
It’s been two weeks since my break down at Shaw’s house. A break down that came out of the blue and I’ve been embarrassed about every day since. I tried to apologize but he shut me down, explaining it was better for me to let it out than hold my feelings inside. I know how much I hurt him because every time we’re alone, he’s more attentive than ever, if that’s even possible.
“If it’s all right, I’m going to hang with the kids on the floor today. Play some cards, watch some college football. Mathis will be coming around, too,” Nicky tells me, and I hear a faint sigh from someone at the table behind me.
“That will be wonderful.” I scoot back and break our group hug. “We’ll love having you.”
“Tonight is dinner at my parents’,” he reminds me.
“Nicky, tonight isn’t good.” The last thing I want to do is be around the Bennett family as they celebrate the news. I’ll have to deal with it soon enough.
“I know, Biz, but we should be together. For many reasons.”
I glance at Claire in a plea, and she picks up on my message.
“Nick, after shift, Bizzy and I may go visit Grady’s parents,” she lies with the perfect excuse, one he can’t debate.
He nods and stands, taking me with him. “Okay, I understand.”
“I’ll meet you all upstairs. I’m going to grab a salad for later,” I tell the group and stop myself from rolling my eyes at all the starry-eyed stares at Nick.