Instead of the look of understanding I was expecting, her face morphs into a look of horror. She crosses her arms, staying silent and glaring.
“What?”
“That is the most asinine and juvenile idea you’ve ever had in your life. You are an adult and free to date whomever you want. Nicky may be shocked, but he would be an idiot to get upset. He loves you both and will be over the moon happy.”
“But what if something happens and this goes wrong? It’s still so fresh and new. The novelty may wear off soon, and I’d rather not have the awkwardness.”
“For the love of God! Can’t you let yourself feel happiness for once? You’ve wanted this for as long as I’ve known you. Don’t ruin this because of stupid insecurities. Why can’t you see yourself the way we all do?”
“I’m not being insecure. I’m being cautious.”
“Bullfuckingshit,” she deadpans, staring a hole into me.
“Seriously, Claire, I’m totally comfortable with myself. I’ve left the past in the past.”
“Start acting like it. I saw the way that man looked at you the other night. I felt the intensity of his feelings the second I walked through the door.”
“It’s still new.” I try to remain strong.
“How does Shaw feel?”
“Not happy,” I admit.
“Damn, Bizzy, for someone who claims to love your friends so much, you really don’t give us much credit.”
“That’s not true!”
“Okay, how’s this for a scenario? What if the situation was reversed? What if Nicky met someone special and kept it from you?”
“Not even the same thing. This is his oldest brother. He adores Shaw, always has. If this turns out to be nothing, I don’t want to cause strife between them.” My argument sounds stupid slipping from my lips.
“That’s ridiculous! How long do you plan to keep this a secret?”
Her words slam into me, sending a chill down my spine. “You make it sound so dirty.”
“No, that’s the way you are making it sound. You’re not being fair to anyone in this situation, and I personally can’t believe you.”
“Why are you being so nasty about this?” I grip the back of a chair as guilt floods through me. “I need you to be on my side. Maybe show some understanding.”
“There are a lot of roles I take as your best friend and one of them is to tell you when you’re being an idiot. This is one of those times. Shaw’s not the kind of man that stays hidden. Hell, he was practically shooting laser beams full of sexual tension in the room the other night. Each time he looked at you, it was as if you were the only one he could see with all of us there. There’s so much chemistry, I got turned on. You’re making a mistake here, one you can’t come back from.”
Her words hang in the air then hit me full force. She’s right.
I love Shaw, love him in a way that will never ever be replaced. Even if things between us don’t work out, I’ll always have him in my life. He’s a part of my past and hopefully my future.
“Being discreet about our relationship is ludicrous,” I admit out loud.
“Hell yeah, it is.” Claire waves her hands in the air. “Thank God, I got through your thick head. You can thank me by introducing me to Perry Carver when he’s in town.”
I grab one of her hands, yanking her into me, and blow a loud raspberry on her cheek. She tries to push me away, but I hold tighter. She smacks me playfully on the back, mumbling about being a stubborn ass and getting the hell off her. We both stop moving when a throat clears behind us. I’m prepared to face any number of doctors or nurses we work with scowling at us.
Instead, I turn and my heart drops to the floor. Shaw is standing, propped against the doorframe, watching us with a smirk on his handsome face. My knees go weak as I take him in. He’s dressed for work in a black suit and no tie, his shirt open at the neck and showing off his tan skin against the stark white of hi
s shirt.
My mouth starts to water as I ogle him shamelessly.
“Fuck, it’s getting hot in here.” Claire nudges me, breaking my stare, and fans herself dramatically.