How had I not realized how much that had been bothering me?
“Sophie?” Sir prompted.
“I see a woman. Who is getting older. And who isn’t sure how it’s going to work if she’s not...” My throat tightened, cutting off my words. I knew what I wanted to say, what I meant to say.
So, say that.
I cleared my throat. “She isn’t sure how this is going to work if she’s not the desirable twenty-something her Sir and Monsieur liked before.”
Sir stepped in front of me, his strong hands cupping my jaw. His deep green eyes met mine and held me there as surely as he could hold me with his body. “It’s going to work because we love you. Don’t ever doubt that again.”
“Yes, Sir,” I whispered.
“Sophie, will you look at your cuffs?” Monsieur asked. “I had them made for you.”
I glanced down at the bands of gleaming platinum circling my wrists. Black leather padding protected my skin from the rolled metal edges. The gleaming surface was broken by an inscription repeated on each.
Property Of El-Mudad ibn Farid ibn Abdel Ati.
“Happy birthday, my love,” he said, his smile sad when I glanced up at the screen.
“We will always want you,” Sir promised. Then, almost teasing in his threat, “Don’t make us prove it to you. Just believe us.”
“I wish you were here, Monsieur.” Tears came, hard.
“Oh, my love, I wish I were there, as well,” he said with a broken-hearted laugh.
Sir put his arm around my shoulders. “I think it’s time for some aftercare, so she doesn’t drop. We’ll call in a little while.”
“I think that would be best,” Monsieur agreed.
Before he led me from the room, Sir turned off the television and the camera. I leaned heavily against his side, and he supported me until we got to the bathroom. He sat me on the stone bench in the shower and turned on the taps.
“Oh, your cuffs!” he exclaimed, going full Neil in a split second. He quickly popped the latches and carried the cuffs out of the range of the rainfall spray in the center of the room.
As if they were the last link I had to my Monsieur, the final touch I would ever have, my chest felt as though it would collapse when they were gone. My arms felt wrong without them. I wept miserably.
“My...my collar,” I remembered suddenly, and with a pang of guilt. How could I have forgotten what my Sir had given me, and before Monsieur’s gift? I cried harder at that, fumbling frantically to release the clasp.
“Sophie, you’re all right,” Sir stated confidently, and I had to believe him. I stopped fighting with the collar and let him unfasten it. When he stepped away to put it with the cuffs, I took my hair down, still sobbing. I wanted Monsieur. I wanted El-Mudad. I wanted—
Sir sat beside me on the bench. “Tell me what you need, Sophie.”
“I...” I hiccupped back a sob. “I need Neil.”
“Oh, darling.” He took me into his arms and cradled my head against his shoulder. “We never wanted you to feel like this.”
“I don’t know how I feel,” I admitted. “I think I’m...I think I’m overwhelmed? With how loved you guys just made me feel, and how much I want El-Mudad here with us. Those two things are hard when they’re hitting me altogether.”
“Well, I’m glad we overwhelmed you with love, at least.” Neil kissed the top of my head. “Though perhaps not this much.”
That made me laugh a little through my tears.
“Come on.” He helped me to my feet and walked me under the rainfall shower, still fully dressed.
“Your shoes!” I gasped, watching the water make transparent streaks down his shirt.
And then he shrugged. The man who had installed a special temperature control system in his dedicated shoe closet shrugged about the destruction of a pair probably worth the down payment on a house.
The hint of a smile touched the corners of his mouth, and he took one of my hands in his, swaying us on our feet in a stationary dance. “We do love you.”
“More than I love myself.” I hung my head. “I’m so sorry. I ruined your birthday present.”
“Did you enjoy the bits before the crying?” he asked.
“Before the subdrop crying?” I wished I could rewind a little and redo that part. “Fuck yes, I did. That was...incredible. But you didn’t get to come.”
“That was never part of the plan. This was your present. We focused so much on what we wanted to do to you, we forgot to involve ourselves.” He released me. “Let me wash your hair. After I take off these clothes.”
I let Neil pamper me and bring me back to a better frame of mind. After the shower, he massaged my back and arms to ward off soreness, though I would still be stiff the next day. He even rubbed my feet, though that was more of a treat for him than for me. The man was a total perv for feet.