Propping myself against her doorframe, I tell her, “We need to talk.”
She moves aside and waves for me to come in. She seems calm, but I can see the tense lines in her shoulders. The woman isn’t that good at hiding how she feels. I know she’s nervous as hell as to what’s about to happen. Which is almost funny because, for once, so am I.
Walking over to her couch, I sit down and wave my hand for her to join me. “Have a seat, Pix. I have a story to tell, and you’re going to listen to every word.”
Pixie takes a seat next to me, so close our bodies almost touch. I have to fight the urge to wrap my arm around her shoulders and draw her body into mine for a hug. As much as I want to comfort her, that would send the wrong message with what I’m about to say.
“What is it, Trevor?” she asks timidly.
“I’m going to tell you a story, Pixie, and by the time I’m done, if you want me to leave, just say the word. And let’s be clear here, babe; I fully expect you to tell me to leave. You want to know why I don’t do permanent, why I can’t take without giving first, this story is the reason. You want to know why my aura is so damn dark, you’re about to hear why. I only ask one thing from you before I tell you why I am the way I am. Don’t repeat this shit. You’re the first person I’m going explain this shit to since it happened, and my business is my business. I don’t want it getting back to Des and Morgan. Understand?”
She nods. “What’s said here stays here, Trevor.”
“Good.” Running my hands over my bald head, I drop them to my knees and let myself remember what happened so long ago.
“Back in high school, my senior year, I had a girlfriend named Amber. I wasn’t in love with her, but I cared for her a lot, and we were together for a while. She was a good girl from a good family, and I thought a few times she might just be dating me to piss her family off because I was the only half-breed Native American running around our town. Sort of like the boy from the wrong side of the tracks deal. Or maybe I was her ticket to having a wild time because everyone in school knew I might work hard, but I played hard, too, if you know what I mean. But Amber was sweet to me, and after a while, I blew those notions off.”
Pixie listens silently while I fight back all the memories and my need to hurl as the anxiety overtakes me. Knowing I need to do this, I push on.
“Then, one night, we were at a friend’s house, partying. Amber had been to a couple of my friends’ parties, but this was the first one where she drank with me. We were both having a good time, blitzed out of our minds, when she grabbed my hand and led me upstairs to the bedrooms. At first, I thought she just wanted to make out. That was all we ever did, anyway. As long as we were together, I never tried to have sex with her because I knew she was a virgin, and I didn’t think she was ready for that.”
I take a deep breath to continue, when Pixie interrupts me. “That was very admirable of you to think of her best interests like that, Trevor.”
The comment makes me snort. “We’ll see how admirable you think I am in a few minutes, Pixie.” Not giving her another chance to speak, I keep talking. “So, like I was saying, I thought she was dragging me upstairs to make out. And we did for a while, but two teenagers drunk and making out isn’t a great combination. Things got heated quickly, and the next thing I know, we’re both naked. Hell, I don’t even really remember how we got naked. The next thing I remember is we’re about to have sex. As in, my cock was at her entrance, and I was about to push in. I do remember asking Amber if she was sure she wanted to do it, and I thought she said yes. The next thing I know, I’m inside her, and she’s talking about how much it hurts.
“The worst part is, it gets even fuzzier after that. I know I asked her if she wanted me to stop, and I remember her saying no, but I thought she meant no, as in, she didn’t want me to stop. I’m not going to give you anymore gritty details. Needless to say, shit was over really quick and the last thing I remember before passing out is holding her while she cried and telling her it was going to be okay.