Jess laughs and sits up. “Okay then, I’d love to be escorted to breakfast good sir. What about you, Ashley?”
“I’ll join you there,” I say. I don’t know why but I don’t feel I can leave the suite just yet. There’s a burst of energy in me that needs to be worked out before I could start to stomach breakfast. “Take Alex down and I’ll see you soon, yeah?”
Jess nods, blissfully unaware of the storm raging in my chest as she gets ready for breakfast and then ushers our little captain off to try eggs benedict for the first time.
As soon as they’ve gone I prowl over to the bed and fling myself down on the mattress, staring up at the ceiling and bouncing a little. I don’t know why I’m feeling so wound up! I’ve never felt this alive and this happy before.
It’s like a light in me has been switched on and I don’t know what to do with myself.
I’m pretty sure it’s not just the sex, though don’t get me wrong that was absolutely mind blowing. But usually after banging a pretty lady I’m just about climbing the wall to get away the next morning. I don’t like clinging and I don’t go for relationships. When I get a girlfriend it’s usually a heady mix of alcohol and bad choices and we explode almost as soon as we get together.
It’s nothing like the soft sweetness of cuddling Jess last night, or the open vulnerability that we showed to each other. I want more. I’ve never wanted more before. It’s weird and unusual and strange, and I don’t want any weirdness in my perfect holiday. I’ve got to sort this out.
I push myself off the bed and start pacing the cabin. I get halfway changed, decide that I don’t like my bra and pull it off from under my top before throwing it into the bin. Then I change my jeans, then I change them again. I pull on a top then change it for a shirt then change that for a dress.
By the time I’ve ended up back in the first outfit I selected when I started I know what I have to do. There’s only one person who understands me well enough to talk me down from this weird happy confusion.
I dial his number and flop onto the couch. I’m braced, but even being braced doesn’t quite prepare me for the rage in Robin’s voice when he picks up.
“What the fuck are you doing, Ash?”
“Hi to you too,” I say, and I can’t help the teasing tone in my voice. He’s so easy to wind up. “Could you be a bit more specific?”
“First you steal my cruise which was really awkward to explain to Emily so thank you so much for that,” he says and I stifle a snort that only seems to make him angrier. “And now you’ve done what, stolen my proposal? Why are Hugo and Royston calling me to complain that I haven’t let them congratulate me on my recent engagement?”
His tone is rising from fun levels of Robin rage straight to dangerous levels so I cut in, “I’ve been avoiding them obviously. If they figure out it’s me and not you then the company will be in all kinds of trouble.”
“I’m well aware, thank you. It’s the only reason I’m not taking their calls because they’d end up figuring it out. Have you gotten engaged, Ash and who on earth to? Am I going to have to deal with a breach of promise suit when you get back?”
“No of course not, it’s just the girl that’s pretending to be Emily. How do you stand having one person around the whole time. Rob? It’s got to drive you crazy. Emily’s nice and all but do you really want to just be with her all your life and never anyone else?”
I can sense him wanting to point out that open relationships exist even if they don’t have one. This is how our conversations go, I make some sort of ridiculous statement and derail him into proving me wrong until he’s forgotten why we were fighting in the first place.
“What’s her name?” he asks and I screw up my nose.
“Jess, why?”
“What’s so great about her?”
“Why would you think something’s so great about her? Wasn’t I just complaining about having her around all the time?”
“No, you were deflecting and trying to distract me which means that you think just about the opposite of whatever you just said. So you want to spend a lot of time around this Jess, do you sis?”
Fuck, he’s not supposed to be able to figure me out so fast! I curse softly and start pacing. “She’s just some shop girl from a bookstore who got stuck on board. She’s cute and convenient,” I prune all the other words out of my sentences like smart and funny and gorgeous and sweet. “It’s not a chore being around her, I guess.”
“Practically a declaration of love from you,” he says and I find myself spluttering.
“Love? What the fuck, Rob? I don’t do love. That sappy stuff is what you’re into, not me. I’m the free spirit and you’re the boring one who is going to have two kids and live in the suburbs.”
“Uhuh,” he says and now he sounds like he’s laughing at me. “Very boring, me.”
“Shut up. I’m not in love with anyone and you’re dumb.”
“Your rhetoric wouldn’t win any debates, sis. Personal attacks are proof that you don’t have any facts to back you up.”
“Oh shut up,” I say and hang up before he can claim that he’s won. I don’t do feelings, I don’t do love and I don’t do commitment. I’m the party girl who will party until I drop.
The longer I think about it the better I feel. It’s just Robin being his boring old self and projecting onto me. It’s nothing for me to worry about. I’m going to enjoy my cruise and the cutie on my arm and then walk away at the end and on to the next adventure.