I don’t want it to be anything. I need to give Ana stability. I need to give myself stability too.
I can’t pursue just any beautiful woman. Truthfully, I’m not sure if I can pursue anyone.
My mind goes back to last night. We brushed hands and the room got so hot I had to fan myself. I thought I was going to faint.
I suppose not even I can deny the sexual tension between us. Like I said, she’s absolutely gorgeous. I want her. I really do.
I get up after we finish eating and start to gather the plates to do the washing. Rachel helps me and follows me into the kitchen.
I can feel myself blush as she does. Suddenly, I become aware of every action I take. Every step, every breath becomes deliberate and awkward.
I hear Ana giggling from the other room as she watches me. Way to look out, kid.
She follows us and peeks at us through the door frame. Every time I go to look at her, I see her smiling face retreat behind the wall to hide.
She’s not the best at being subtle, but she’s so cute it’s hard to get mad about it.
Still, I’m the mom. I try to give her a stern look when I catch her. I don’t want to encourage too much spying.
We stack the plates beside the sink and I start washing. Rachel grabs a towel to do the drying.
I continue to be ultra-aware of what I’m doing. Even so, I’m nearly dropping the plates as I hand them to her. Shouldn’t my deliberateness with this make me better at this and not worse?
Rachel smiles at me and shyly looks away when I hand her the plates. A few times, I even catch her staring.
I can’t help but wonder if she’s feeling sparks too. I shove those feelings down. I don’t want to get attached.
As we work, I hear a little voice start to sing from the doorway.
I turn and see Ana poking her little head in and starting to sing “Kiss the Girl” from The Little Mermaid.
I love my daughter, but I do not appreciate her trying to wingman me right now.
“Anastasia,” I say sternly. I try to give her the most mom look I can muster.
Rachel is turning bright red. She looks pretty cute when she blushes.
“Okay, Ana, time for bed,” Rachel says. She starts to chase after her, shooing her with her hands.
I watch the two of them go. They look like they could be a family.
I turn back to the washing, embarrassed. I start to wash, but I put the plate down and start laughing.
All of this seems so absurd. I feel like a schoolgirl with a crush.
I feel like the child in the situation. My own six-year-old seems to be more sure about it than me.
Oh, to be young and carefree. I almost forgot what that’s like.
For a moment, all the cares and worries in the world, fade away. I’m just laughing in my kitchen about my kid trying to get me to play the field.
I laugh harder than I have in a long time. I laugh harder and harder until there are tears streaming down my face. I try to keep it down so Rachel and Ana don’t hear.
Rachel will think I lost my mind, and Ana will feel empowered to pull this again.
I wipe the tears from my eyes as the laughter subsides. I giggle a few more times and go back to washing. That felt good. Really good.
I try to think back, but I can’t remember. I don’t know when the last time I laughed was.