I know yesterday was a bad day for Caspian. Something happened beyond just getting shot. He didn’t tell me what, and honestly, it doesn’t matter. He shared something much more precious with me. His true self.
He thought I would run afterward. He thought I would hate him. But now, I’m afraid I might love him.
I love his dark.
I love his light.
I need to find my place in this mess. Find a way to live in this world when I’m still consumed with a past that won’t let me go. And the only way to truly stay with Caspian is if he grants me my freedom. Lets me choose whether I want to stay or go.
I don’t know what I would choose if he gave me a choice at freedom right now. I want to explore Caspian more. See if he is the missing piece in my life. But I also want my revenge. I want to find my own way. I want to see my family.
“Good morning, beautiful,” Caspian says, kissing me softly on the lips.
I smile and stretch; my body is completely sore from the twistedness of last night. This morning, the darkness is gone, and I see nothing but light in his eyes. Today he’s Caspian, while last night he was Conti.
Conti is his darkness, while Caspian is the light. He may not realize it, but I love both parts of him. I couldn’t take one without the other.
“Morning, Caspian.”
“I’m Caspian again, huh?”
I nod. “Yes. Caspian is the person you are in front of most people. Conti, you reserve for the most intense situations.”
“Which do you prefer?”
I shrug. “I like both parts of you.”
He squeezes me, pulling me to him. It seems so normal. Something any couple would do in the morning after having sex all night. The difference is last night. It was the opposite of normal. But it was also everything I never knew I wanted.
“Come with me today.”
I sit up, staring at him like he’s just turned into an alien.
“What?” I ask even though I heard him perfectly well.
“Come with me to Rome. I have a client I have to meet with for a couple of days, so I have to go to Rome.”
I half smile as I bite my lip, trying to keep my feelings under wrap. I don’t want him to know I love what he is asking me. To go with him.
“Why?” I ask even though I know why. He doesn’t want to be apart. And he’s giving me a tiny bit of freedom. A reward for last night. No, maybe reward isn’t the right word. Appreciation, maybe? Or he’s claiming me as his.
“Because I’m selfish and don’t want to be separated from you. I need you with me. Always.”
Always.
I love that word.
God, I’ve got to stop saying, love. I don’t love Caspian Conti. I don’t even know him. And the parts I do know about him scare me.
I’m just infatuated with him. Especially after what happened last night.
There is still a part of me that is pissed at him for not saving me right away. I need to hold onto that part before I let the part that adores him consume me.
It’s clear last night affected him the same way it did me.
“I’ll go with you,” I say. I want to ask him questions. I want to push this. I want to ask if this is the first step toward him granting me my freedom. But I don’t.
It’s enough for now. Soon, I will take my freedom, whether he grants it to me or not.