“Yes, Conti.” I come, screaming his name. Pretending I didn’t just let a man who raped me, fuck me.
We both finish, completely spent, but nowhere near sated. The exhaustion gets the best of us, however. We don’t talk. We don’t fuck again. We drift slowly off to sleep with our arms and legs entangled together.
I realize nothing I thought about Caspian was true. Everything has changed. He’s not who I thought he was. Or he is. Maybe he is exactly who I thought he is.
10
Caspian
“No!”
“No, No, No.”
“No!”
I don’t know who’s screaming. Is it me? No, I’m not screaming. I open my eyes and feel the wetness on my face. I’m crying from another nightmare. Another reliving of the worst day of my life over and over again.
But with my eyes open, the screaming continues. I turn to my left and see a naked woman flailing next to me, screaming ‘no’ over and over again. It takes me a minute to realize who the woman is in my arms. I haven’t had a woman in my bed in years. At least none whom I allow to stay after the fucking is over.
Gia, I finally realize. I remember. The sex. God, the fucking sex. What I did to deserve such a beautifully strong woman, I don’t know.
Last night started as a disaster. I considered raping her. That’s not who I am, but that’s how desperate I was to fuck her. I would do anything, including turn into the type of man I hate, to have her.
She told me, no, and my heart broke. I didn’t even realize I had any of my heart left capable of breaking. But then she grew deviant. And I could tell from the gaze in her eyes, she was as torn inside as I was. She wanted me to fuck her, and when she finally said yes, I lost my damn mind.
I only fucked her once, but I already can’t imagine fucking any other woman. I loved her mix of strength and sweetness. She fought me every step of the way but then gave into my commands with some persuasion.
Gia isn’t my type. I like obedient woman. Women who do exactly what I say without arguing. I like women who don’t have a clue what I’m thinking, but Gia seems to guess my every thought.
“Gia,” I whisper, afraid if I wake her too abruptly, I’ll end up with a broken face or something.
She stirs but doesn’t wake.
“No! Please don’t…” her voice gets quieter as tears drip down her cheeks.
“Gia, it’s okay.” I put my arms around her, strategically trying to calm her while ensuring her flailing arms don’t find me as a target.
“No! Conti, don’t rape me!”
I let go of her when she says my name, and I get smacked in the face by one of her thrashing arms. I don’t feel the impact though. I’m too shocked by what she just said. Is she having a dream about last night, when I almost raped her? I didn’t, but am I now a bigger nightmare than Dante is to her?
I deserve to be. I’m no better than him. I have different desires than him, but I’m just as capable of permanently scarring her.
Gia’s eyes slowly flicker open. They are soaked with her tears. And she cautiously looks around like she doesn’t know where she is. I sit on the edge of the bed, staring at her like she’s a tiger that made its way into my bed. And if I get too close, I will get clawed.
“Caspian? What are you doing in here?” she asks, moving her body up as she leans against the headboard. She’s completely naked, lying on top of the covers, but she doesn’t seem to care. I guess weeks of being naked in Dante’s world would make her not care.
“We must have fallen asleep after I fucked your brains out,” I say.
She blushes, and a slow grin creeps up on her tearstained cheeks.
“Oh, I remember now,” she says, smiling like a silly teenager.
“What was your nightmare about?” I ask.
Her smile drops in an instant and small lines form around her eyes, thinking too hard.
“You,” she finally says.