A large smile is stuck on my face. Cedric was right. Jealous fucking is definitely the best.
I don’t know what this means. Does Killian like me more than he has been letting on? I can feel my heart already falling for him. It’s not just because the sex was the best thing I’ve ever felt. It’s because he took care of me in a way no one ever has. He knew what I needed. He knew I needed him to feel jealous. He knew I needed him to own me. He knew I needed him.
I feel my time running out as I slip out of Killian’s bed. He’s still sound asleep, snoring, facedown on the bed.
Last night was amazing. By far, it was the best time I’d ever had with a man. But it was just his way of trying to control me. He was manipulating me to do what he wanted. He doesn’t care about me. And he sure doesn’t love me.
I shake my head at myself. I can’t believe he got me back in his damn bed. I used to be able to tell men no so easily. That woman is gone.
I find my ripped dress on the floor. I can’t put that back on. I go into the closet and find a T-shirt that I doubt he will miss and slip that on over my head. I also find a pair of his workout shorts and slip those on. If anybody sees me, they will know for sure what happened last night, but it doesn’t matter anymore. My time is running out.
I collect my ripped dress and purse off the floor.
Killian snores loudly, making me pause at his bedroom door to look at him. My heart aches as I look at him lying in the bed. If I stayed for just a few more hours, I’m sure we would spend the morning together fucking and then eating breakfast. It’s what I want—to spend more time with Killian. But every moment I spend with him, the further I fall under his spell. I become more attracted to the idea of marrying him, of letting him run my father’s company.
I can imagine it now. It would be a life of fucking, a life of butting heads, a life of me giving up my control. Our life together would be intense. I might even be able to love this man and have kids with this man.
The only problem is, he would never feel the same way about me. He would always resent the fact that he was forced to marry me to get the job of his dreams. He would resent that he had to give up his life of banging different girls to come home to the same boring woman every night. He would resent that his life was no longer his own.
I can’t do that to him. I can’t do that to me. I don’t know how to avoid that outcome without a fight though. And it’s a fight that I’m not sure I can win. But I have to try.
As much as I want to stay here and be kissed awake by this man, I can’t, so I do the only thing I can do. I leave without a word, without a good-bye, without any explanation.
I make it back to my hotel room without anyone seeing me. It is four in the morning, so I wasn’t expecting too many people to be roaming the halls, but this is Las Vegas. Anything and everything happens here.
I close the door to my hotel room and lean against it, taking a deep breath. I can’t be around Killian anymore. I’ll destroy both of our lives if I am.
I take the neck of the T-shirt I’m wearing and bring it up to cover my nose before taking another deep breath. I relax when I realize it smells like him. I take several more deep breaths before I make my way to my bed. I leave his shirt on as I climb under the covers. I set my alarm for two hours from now. I drift back to sleep as I breathe in his manly scent, imagining his arms are wrapped around me instead of the shirt.
I knock on Tony’s office door a few hours before I’m supposed to meet my grandfather. I just need to spend some time at the company—figuring out what life would be like here, what it would be like to run or even be a part of this company. Maybe then I might realize that this isn’t really what I want. That would make it easier to walk away.
“Come in,” Tony says from his desk.
I push the door open and sigh when I see the mess his office is in. If it’s possible, I think it looks worse than it did the last time I was here. Now, there are empty plates of food rotting from what looks to be lunch from a previous day.
“Just wanted to see how you were doing,” I say. But that’s not true. I’m trying to figure out how I’m doing. I’m trying to figure out if I really belong here or if I’m just kidding myself.
“I’m doing all right. The real question is, how are you doing?”
I shrug as I walk into his office and take a seat across from him. “I’ve been better.”
Tony gets up from behind his desk and takes a seat next to me. “Your father was one of the greatest men I ever knew. He was kind. He was fair.” He chuckles. “He was incredibly strong. He didn’t take any crap from anyone.” He looks at me. “You’re a lot like him.”
I shake my head. “I’m not as strong as him. I’m not strong enough to carry on his legacy. I can’t even convince people to do a simple expansion that is obviously needed. I can’t even decide what drink to order or what food to eat. I can’t even choose the right men to date.”
I look up to see Tony smiling at me.
“I never said your father was perfect—or that you are either, sweetie. I just said you were both strong.”
“I just wish he had told me what I was supposed to do—if he really wanted me to do what my grandfather wanted or if he wanted something else.”
Tony sighs. “Now, that is something I can’t answer for you. What I think matters most is what you want, what you think you were born to do. Whether that’s finding a way to run the company yourself, marry Killian, or run off and have nothing to do with the company, the decision is yours.”
My eyes widen at his words. “How did you know about Killian or about me possibly wanting to run the company?”
His words are warm as he says, “Oh, honey, the whole company knows that you are supposed to marry Killian. Your grandfather isn’t the best at keeping secrets. And you? You’re easy to read. I know the only reason you are spending any time with an old man like me is to try to learn, to see if this is the path for you.”
“Then, you know it’s not really my choice, my future. It’s my grandfather’s. It’s Killian’s. It’s not mine.”