I take a bite as I contemplate what I want to know most. I really want to know what it would be like to be fucked by him. But I can’t go there. I fidget with the wrapper on the silverware, trying to think of a tame question.
“Where did you go to college?”
“Yale.”
“Really?”
“No,” he says, laughing. “I went to Harvard. I majored in business and then started law school there, but I didn’t finish. Instead, Felton Corporation snatched me up, and I’ve been working here ever since.”
“Did you grow up in Vegas?”
“Yes.”
Hmm, that surprises me.
“What about you? Why Yale? Why theater?”
I take a long sip of my beer. I don’t want to answer that. Instead, I try his trick. “What part of Vegas?”
“No, it’s your turn. I answered your question. Now, you answer mine. That’s how the game works.”
“This isn’t a game.”
“Whatever. I’m not answering any more questions until you answer me. Why Yale? Why theater?”
I take another sip of my beer, stalling for as long as I can until I can’t anymore. His stare pierces through me, forcing me to let go of whatever I’m hiding.
“My father. He chose Yale for me. He chose the theater major. I haven’t chosen anything that’s important in my life. N
othing of this life is mine.”
“Why?”
I pause for just a second before I answer, “Because I loved him and could never disappoint him. Because family comes before everything.”
There’s a long pause as he lets my words sink in. He finally has the tiniest understanding of what my life is really like. Although if he really was around my dad as much as he said, he already knew. He just wanted to hear it from me.
“I’m sorry.”
I quizzically look at him.
“I’m sorry that your life has never been your own.”
I shrug as I keep back tears that are threatening to fall. “It’s okay. It’s been a good life.”
His eyes are intense, as intense as I think I’ve ever seen them, as he says the next words, “But it’s not your life. That’s what I’m trying to give you—a chance to find your own life.”
“What makes you think I want that?” I let my eyes drift to my lap as I tuck a fallen curl behind my ear.
“Because I do.”
My eyes immediately go back to his. I don’t know if he meant he wants that for me or he wants that for himself. But I feel like he just poured his heart out to me while sitting in a grungy diner.
“Two specials,” our waitress snaps as she thrusts two plates of the biggest burgers I have ever seen in front of us.
When I glance back up at Killian, the moment is gone. It’s passed. It doesn’t keep me from wondering as I dig into my burger what Killian is hiding.
“I can’t believe you ate that entire thing,” he says while knocking on a hotel door.