“Of course,” Langston says and begins walking.
“Take your time,” Kai tells him.
And then it’s just her and me.
“Truth or lies,” she starts.
And I slowly turn around, shocked she is talking to me after what she went through. She’s still sitting on the floor in front of the toilet, as if she doesn’t trust herself to not vomit again.
Kai’s wearing panties and a thin tank top exposing her soft nipples to me. But I’m the one who feels naked in only my boxers. Not because of the clothes, but because of the way she’s looking at me, like her words are about to destroy me, and make me vulnerable in a way I’m not ready for.
“I hate you for letting me get taken by Milo,” she says.
I suck in a breath—yep, I’m not ready for this.
“Truth,” I exhale.
“Lies, I don’t hate you for letting me make my own decision. I chose to go to Milo, knowing what could happen, and that you would try to save me, and that you might not be able to get to me in time. I knew all those things, and I chose to go anyway.”
She doesn’t hate me for… For—such a small word, but important. She’s not saying she doesn’t hate me, just that she doesn’t hate me for letting her make her own decisions.
She sighs as she leans back against the bathroom wall. And then she stares at the spot on the floor next to her, and I know what she wants. For me to sit next to her.
Does she understand how much it kills me right now to see her in so much pain and not be able to do anything about it?
Reluctantly, I move next to her and slide my back against the wall until I’m sitting next to her, but not touching.
Kai stares off into the distance as she begins to speak. “My mind is fucked-up. Everything in my mind is twisted around. I can’t tell what’s real and what my mind has changed.”
“What do you mean?”
She swallows. “When you rescued me—”
“I didn’t rescue you. You were saving yourself long before I got there.”
She scowls, shaking her head at me. So I shut up, but I don’t want her to think I had anything to do with saving her. I didn’t.
“When you came for me, my body was so damaged. But I swore I wouldn’t let Milo win. I wouldn’t let him take you from me. I wouldn’t let myself stop loving you, no matter what I went through. I was desperate to fuck you. To wipe away any memories of Milo. But…” her voice shakes.
“But?” I need to hear this. I need to know how much of a mistake it was. Even though it was the closest I’ve ever felt to her. Because it felt like the first time we were making love instead of just fucking.
“But it twisted everything in my head, fucking you so close to what happened with Milo. My brain was still processing the rape. I was still processing the pain. And being with you just made it so much harder. It’s why I have nightmares about you as much as I have nightmares about Milo. To my fucked up brain, the two events have melded into one event.”
“I’m sorry. I should have known better.”
She shakes her head. “I wouldn’t change it. In that moment, I needed you.”
“You just don’t need me anymore.”
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She bites her lip.
“What else?” I ask, because I know there is more. If that was all that was hurting her, she would be trying to reprogram her brain. She wouldn’t let Milo take me from her. There has to be more.
“Milo reminded of me of all the innocent people you have killed. You may save innocent women, but you’ve killed so many more than you ever saved.”
I nod. “I’m the devil. I was raised by the devil, and then I became him. You are the only good thing in my life. I would say I regret killing the innocent people I’ve killed, but I don’t. Because all I care about is you.”