I don’t feel, but not because I’ve turned everything off. Not because I’ve put up my icy shield and gone numb like I have hundreds of times before.
I don’t feel because I gave Milo my heart and my love. That’s not to say I love Milo—I don’t. But I willingly surrendered my heart to him.
Words are strong, the most powerful tool any of us have. And Milo is an expert storyteller. The way he spoke was a weapon against my heart and love for Enzo.
And in the time we spent together, Milo obliterated any love I could ever hope of having.
That’s why I will never experience emotions again. Milo stole them, and I don’t ever want them back.
My eyes look deep into Milo’s. That’s why he’s able to hurt me like he is, because he has no heart either.
Milo shouldn’t have done what he did to me. He had no right. But the words he spoke needed to be said.
Yet that doesn’t stop what I need to do next.
My surroundings slowly come back into view after hours of darkness. The soft, wetness of the grass we are laying on. Milo’s cold body on my nakedness. The trees surrounding us, making it impossible for anyone to find us.
I suck in a breath, but it’s not enough, Milo’s weight is too much for me to get a good breath. Why is it that even though my heart is gone, I can still feel all the pain?
And this pain of Milo ripping and forcing himself inside my body will never end if I don’t stop it. Enzo will never find me here in the middle of the woods. We could be here days more before he finds us. I have to end this.
Tears wet my eyes again as I come back to reality. Of how many times I was raped. Of how my life changed in a few hours.
But I have to take back control.
I look around for anything I can use to try to get Milo off of me. I tried before he started. But my body was weak compared to his.
I tried reaching for the knife around my ankle, but I couldn’t reach it.
I even got desperate enough to press the button on my earrings, but Milo grabbed my arms, and I haven’t been able to move them freely again, until now.
Milo looks as exhausted and tormented as I am.
But that doesn’t stop him.
Nothing will.
Until I end this.
I go through the same motions as before, this time, more delirious. I search for rocks to slam into his head. But all I see are weak looking sticks.
My earrings! I can press my earrings. I squeeze the button on them tightly, trying to alert Enzo to where I am. But my hope quickly diminishes. Even if he finds me, the damage has already been done.
And then I see my clothes—bloodied and ripped, discarded next to me.
Milo continues his movements, pumping, but not really putting his whole heart into it anymore. While I search for my knife.
Please, please, please.
Shirt.
Pants.
Shoe.
Sock!
And tucked beneath the sock, is a thin blade of a knife.