“What did you do?” I ask.
Finally, he looks at me. And the anger etched there is not what I was expecting.
I was expecting pain, agony, regret, and the need for forgiveness. Instead, I got rage.
So I push more. “What the hell did you do?” I step into his space, filling it with my own anger.
“I won. What the hell does it look like I did?”
I see the sweat on his brow. The bulging of his veins. The grip of his hands. Whatever he did to Liesel was physical. It was painful and required all of him.
I take a step back. “I can’t believe you hurt her.”
He growls at my words. “Does it shock you, that I’m a monster? I thought you had already learned that lesson, baby.”
“Don’t call me baby,” I say, and I feel the hole in my heart expanding. Bigger, bigger, bigger. If it gets much bigger, it will rip completely in half. As it is, I’m not sure I can forgive him, and I don’t even know how he hurt Liesel, just that he did.
“What. Did. You. Do?” I ask again. I need answers. I need to see the monster. I need to know how big of a monster I am when I forgive him.
His eyes dig into my soul and pull out my truth. “The same as you. The only difference is I was faster. I found my monster sooner.”
“I hate you.”
“Good, at least we agree on something.”
“Stop!” Liesel’s voice booms over everything. We both turn in her direction as she stands at the top of the ladder that leads up here, looking more like a girl than the sexy woman I know her to be.
She looks at Enzo. “You don’t get to hate yourself. You did what you had to do. What you did wasn’t that bad. I’ll heal, I always do. Just give me a few days.”
Then she glares at me. “And you, you don’t get to be pissed. You don’t get to determine if you forgive him or not. There is nothing you need to forgive. She lifts the T-shirt I realize is Enzo’s to reveal her untouched body. I hadn’t even realized Enzo wasn’t wearing a shirt; I was so consumed with my own pain.
“He didn’t hurt me, at least not physically. He found another way to get my secret. And my secret hurt him more than it hurt me.” Liesel stares up at the man we both love. “And he chose you. He saved you. His father forced him to choose, even from his grave. He saved you. He kept his promise. Don’t hate him for it.”
And then, she’s gone.
And I know her words are the truth. I shouldn’t hate him because he did save me from completely ruining myself. From physically harming Zeke. He found a way to save us all with the least damage done.
“You hate me, truth or lie?” Enzo says.
I think for a second, but I already know my answer. “Truth.”
He nods.
“You hate me, truth or lie?” I ask.
“Truth.”
I swallow hard. We both hate each other, but only because of how much we love each other. You can only truly hate those you love, and I know now that Enzo saying he hates me might be the closest I ever come to hearing him say he loves me.
Taking away the hate isn’t about forgiveness. We don’t need to forgive each other. Our love just lives on a spectrum between love and hate. Right now, our feelings are at one end of that spectrum, and someday they will end up on the other end. It’s when one of us stops loving each other and removes themselves from the spectrum that my world will end.
“Show me your hate. Show me your pain. Take it out on me. Use me,” I say.
He shakes his head. “No, I’m going to my room. I’ll see you when I see you.”
I move in front of him, preventing him from going anywhere. “Did I ask you? No, I told you. Use me, and I’ll use you right back.”
I push hard against his bare chest, and my hands instantly burn. His skin has never felt as hot as it does right now. And I realize it’s because the devil inside him is out right now, and he doesn’t know how to cage it again. That’s why he burns. And if he’s not careful, he’ll burn himself down, along with everyone on this ship.