I don’t even get to see him.
I get to live in the darkness where I've always wanted, but the darkness is no longer my friend. I feel alone.
I hear the crinkle of the condom as he sheaths himself before settling between my spread legs.
He doesn’t kiss me.
Doesn’t suck or caress me.
He does nothing to prepare me for his cock.
This is punishment. It’s meant to hurt and remind me I don’t deserve anything better. He’s giving me his pain, and in return, I’ll give him mine.
“I hope Langston did fuck you and stretched you out first, because this is going to hurt. And I won’t let you lock yourself away again. You will feel this. All of it. And you will never hurt my family again.”
Anger rages inside—sex should never be a punishment. But this is what I wanted. This is how I get free. By showing Enzo he’s a monster no more worthy of becoming Black than I am. He’s not a saint who just protects his men and those weaker than him. He’s a monster. And until he makes amends for what he did to me, and who knows how many other innocent people before me, he doesn’t get to think of himself as anything but evil.
I want to tell him I didn’t fuck Langston. But it might give him the resolve he needs to stop himself. And I need him to lose control to do this. I need this.
He needs this.
This ends now.
I almost feel the regret oozing off of him into the room. “I’m just warning you. Even the most experienced women I’ve been with feel pain at my size. This is your last chance. I won’t fuck you unless you want me to. But this will not be gentle. I will not give you time to adjust. This will ruin you if you aren’t prepared.”
His cock rests at my entrance, and I know the pain I’m about to experience.
I will never be ready for this.
But I want to ruin Enzo as badly as he wants to ruin me.
I need this.
I want this.
This first time is going to hurt no matter what. I’d rather feel all of Enzo than slowly face the reality of him. I want to know the worst, so I’m no longer afraid of sex.
I grab his thick thighs with my legs, pulling him to me. “Do it.”
My eyes slip below the blindfold, and I watch as he closes his eyes as if to prepare himself. When he opens, I see a look of lust I’ve never seen before. It’s like he released all of his self-control.
He gives me one look of warning knowing I can see beneath the blindfold, and then he plunges inside me.
I cry out, releasing all of my fury and pain as he enters me. His burning heat mixes with my ice cold and causes a hurricane of emotion and feelings inside me.
Tears burn my eyes; my thighs squeeze at his waist, and my voice screams out feeling every bit of him stretching inside me.
I feel myself struggling to breathe. Like him being inside me pushed all my air out.
I can do this; breathe.
I look up at Enzo. His eyes are dark holes as he looks at me. He doesn’t give me any words to comfort me—nothing to help my struggle. His lust seems to grow the more I struggle beneath him.
I’ve never felt so alone.
He inches forward, and that’s when I realize my body hasn’t accepted all of him. There is still more to go. I struggle against the ropes.
I can’t.