“I can’t think of any other reason.”
We both exhale in frustration. We don’t seem to have gotten very far.
I yawn. “Should we ask our questions now?”
“No, we should sleep. Tomorrow we need to come up with a plan.”
I’m sitting across from him, not sure where I should sleep. Should I move next to him and curl up on his chest, or should I just curl up in a ball where I’m currently sitting? I still don’t know where we stand.
“No. We need to keep talking until we’ve shared all our secrets, or until one of us is dead.” I refuse to just go to sleep. Answering our questions is just as important as forming a plan. The only way we are going to be able to escape is to rely on one another, and we can’t do that if we don’t trust each other.
“Fine, ask your question so I can go to sleep.”
15
Langston
I wish I hadn’t started our little game. At first, I had all the power—asking questions and demanding answers. I could punish her and take time away from her life. Now that we are trapped and I have no control over her life, the only way I get answers is if I give her an answer myself. And I’m running out of truths I can share with her.
Not to mention I get no benefit from her answers. She either tells me a lie, which only tears us further apart, or she tells me the truth and destroys me with how much we’ve been hiding from each other. There is no winning. Neither of us will reveal all of our secrets. Neither of us will reveal enough to change our relationship. So what’s the point?
The only reward from talking to Liesel I can think of is the distraction from my pain. Even though I’m good at hiding how much pain I’m in from other people, it still hurts. My shoulder feels like it’s been ripped from my body and thrown haphazardly back together, while my elbow shoots a sharp pain up and down my arm. But when I look at Liesel and listen to her speak, the pain eases.
Liesel purses her lips, considering her question carefully. “How did you find out you were going to be a father? What went through your head?”
Technically, she asked two questions, but this is an easy one to answer. It’s one I like talking about, too, even if I can’t reveal the entire truth.
“Phoenix told me I was going to be a father. She was nervous, not sure how I would react. I didn’t plan on becoming a father. I didn’t plan on Phoenix being my children’s mother. But when she told me, sitting nervously next to me on the couch, I didn’t care that I wasn’t in love with her or that she wasn’t my perfect woman. All I cared about was that I was going to be a father.”
Liesel smiles at me.
“I was terrified at first. I don’t know what it looks like to be a good father. My upbringing wasn’t something I would wish on my worst enemies. But the fear slipped away within seconds, and all I felt was overwhelming joy and happiness. My entire life flashed before my life, and I knew this is what I was always meant to do—be a father.
“I vowed in that moment to be the best father I could. I would protect them from the dangers of the world. Show them what it felt like to be loved. Give them a family. Always put them first. Being a father is the greatest accomplishment of my life.”
“From what I can tell, you’ve been a great father,” she says.
I nod. “Thank you.”
She leans back on her elbows and looks up as the moon reflects off her blonde hair and hazel eyes.
“What about you? How did you feel when you found out you were going to be a mother?”
I already know the answer. She’s already told me before, but it gives her a chance to talk about her feelings for the child she gave up.
“I never wanted to be a mother, and the world agreed. There wasn’t anything to feel beyond some sadness at the situation. Unlike you, I knew I wasn’t cut out to be a mother. The choice to give up my child was easy.”
Liesel hides her emotions well. She’s feeling more that she isn’t telling me, but I won’t force her to reveal more tonight.
“Ready to sleep?”
She nods.
I start inching down the wall, assuming she’ll curl up next to me, but as I lie down on the floor, I find Liesel already curled up on her side with her eyes closed.
I sigh. I guess she won’t be sleeping next to me, after all. And it seems our stupid questions game has once again pushed us apart instead of bringing us closer together. I should be happy; we’ve been growing too close these last few days, far too close.
Especially when the end of our relationship has always been fated—with one of us dead.