“I tried my entire life to not fall for a man. I tried to keep love out of the equation. I tried…and failed.”
Tears water her eyes, but it’s nothing compared to how my heart aches. She drives me mad, and yet there is nothing in this world I want more than to hear she has feelings for me. To hear her admit she has feelings for another man is going to break me.
“I changed my mind. I don’t want to hear your answer,” I say, admitting my own weakness to her.
“I loved Waylon.” She plunges the knife into my heart.
She loved him, and I took him from her.
“You loved him even though he sold your body for money? Even though he made you suck other men’s cocks to set a trap for me? Even though he wasn’t strong enough to protect you, you loved him?”
“Yes, I loved him. I’ll always love him.”
“I didn’t think you were capable of love, huntress.”
“I didn’t think you were either, killer.”
“And yet, we both fell in love.”
“Do you love Phoenix?”
“Is that your question?”
“No,” she quickly replies.
I don’t answer her, but she already knows I don’t love Phoenix. I’ve never felt romantic love.
I love my kids. I love Siren as my soulmate. I love Enzo, Kai, Zeke, and even Liesel as friends, but I’ve never been in love, never fallen for another human.
“How did you fall for him? What was it about him that made you surrender to your feelings?”
“It wasn’t a choice. It just happened. I tried to fight it, but I couldn’t. It was everything—his charm, his kindness, his loyalty. The more I spent time with him, the more I fell. I didn’t even realize I was falling until it was too late. I never said the words to him. I never told him I loved him. I don’t think I realized how much I loved him until he was gone.”
I shake my head. “Ironic then that me killing him revealed your true feelings for him.”
She scrunches her nose, narrowing her eyes, as she tries to understand what I’m not saying.
“You would have let him live if it meant that I never revealed how much I loved him?”
“No, I would have still killed him.” I had to. He would’ve ruined her.
She sighs defeatedly and then leans her head against the stone.
“Your turn,” I say.
“What?”
“Your turn to ask a question.”
“Oh.”
She hesitates for a moment, and I suspect she’s going to ask about my feelings. Is there anyone I love outside of Siren and the kids? I wouldn’t know how to answer that because I don’t understand my feelings toward Liesel.
I implore her to ask any question other than that one. I don’t want to lie to her anymore. If I lie, she’ll lie in return. And then I’ll never get what I want.
My teeth grind together as the pain consumes me again. Any time I’m not completely focused on Liesel, the pain returns.
I turn my head and look at Liesel, letting all my stray thoughts I almost never let myself think into my head.