I shake my head.
“Oh my god, then who did?”
“Mostly hallucinations in your nightmares.”
She holds onto her shirt, gripping for reality, for truth.
“Joel?” she asks, her voice terrified of my answer.
“No,” I lie. I failed to protect her before, but dammit, I’ll protect her now. She never has to know about Joel.
But the rest?
The rest of the truth, I’ll take to my grave.
31
Liesel
That kiss.
That kiss was terrifying, breathtaking.
It also brought me back to life.
It changed how I felt about Langston. Or maybe it brought me back to how I once felt?
I want to kiss him again.
And yet, if I kiss him again, I’ll ruin everything.
But did he ruin everything already?
Is he lying?
He said we never fucked, he never touched me, and that Joel didn’t touch me. Is it true? Or is it all a lie?
I trust him.
It doesn’t matter if it’s the truth or a lie. It’s what I need to hear.
I’m a sex addict. I use sex to deal with the pain of my past.
But god, that kiss—do I wish I could have more than one.
That’s what I think about as I drift back to sleep. It’s what I think about all night. That kiss is still playing on my lips in the morning when I wake up.
“Langston?” I ask to an empty room as the sun rises.
I get no answer.
The room is bright. Maybe I slept in too long, and that’s why he’s not here.
Or maybe I scared him off last night.
Maybe he’s changed his mind and wants to end my life sooner than planned.
I sit up, my body aching with pain. I need more painkillers or more scotch.