How come I never noticed that?
Elsa winks at me. “I say you changed your views about love. It’s not a bunch of chemical reactions anymore, right?”
“It is. All dopamine and neurotransmitters. It’s all delusional.” Even as I say the words, I don’t believe any of them.
24
Teal
Being addicted to something is the worst thing that can happen to anyone. It’s like your entire life is based on that high.
While I always wanted to get rid of the trance mode, I never slipped into addiction. I never let anything become the centre of my life.
Not even my pain.
I got around it, fought it, and eventually, I made friends with it. That was the only way for me to survive.
What I never thought about was becoming addicted to someone rather than something.
Since I left the Meet Up over the weekend, all I’ve been thinking about is him. My unwanted addiction.
Fucking Ronan.
Around him I become this junkie in need of one more hit, one more smile.
One more touch.
If you asked me what I’m addicted to when it comes to Ronan, I wouldn’t have an answer.
It could be his voice with the slight rumble, his symmetrical face that somehow became a piece of art in my mind. Perhaps it’s his smiles — the genuine ones — or his clingy nature that for some insane reason comes across as adorable rather than creepy.
Or maybe, just maybe, it’s the care he showcases discreetly.
Around him, I’m levitating before I realise it. I’m smiling like it’s the most natural thing to do.
It isn’t.
It shouldn’t be.
I tell myself I’m only in his house because of Charlotte, but soon after I said my hello, I told her I’d be bringing up tea, even though she said Lars would do it.
I pass by Ronan’s room and linger there for a second too long — or maybe ten seconds; I don’t know.
God. I’m starting to be like one of those idiotic hormonal teenagers I thought I was above. Turns out I’m not — far from it.
Damn it.
Fine, I’ll pretend I’m cool with what happened at the Meet Up. After all, the reason I left was stupid. I was overreacting and being a fool and…fuck, I’ve been stalking his Instagram all weekend, waiting for him to post a picture with any other girl so I could pounce on him.
He didn’t.
He posted two pictures. One was of him and Xander half-naked, wearing shades and lounging by the latter’s pool.
The caption said: He hates me for waking him up, but I’m happy to have mon fréro back.
That put a smile on my face. Ronan always seemed to get along with Xander more than Cole and Aiden. Something tells me Xander is also more tolerant of Ronan’s personality than the other two.
The second picture was of Ronan making a face behind an oblivious Cole, who was reading from a book.