Neither of them tries to stop me.
I throw the burning book and the lighter in the fireplace on my way out. “Give Captain my fucking regards.”
I don’t wait for their replies as I step outside. The cold air seeps under my uniform’s jacket and the shirt.
An arm wraps around my shoulder as soon as I’m in front of the Meet Up.
“Yo.” Xan grins at me. “You okay?”
While Aiden and Cole share sadism and sociopathic tendencies — among other things — Xander and I have always been the closest.
He’s the only one who knows about my secret. I told him a few years ago when he found me hiding at a party – when I never do that. It was so suffocating, and I felt like crashing my car to feel something other than numbness. I blurted it out, not everything, but the part that weighed on me.
Xander has kept my secret since then. We might tease each other, but he always has my back, and I have his. I lied earlier — I’m not mad he didn’t tell me his secret. Besides, I played Cupid in his tale with Kimmy. That’s how much his support means to me.
That’s why I felt kind of empty when he went to rehab. Of course, I’ll never admit that to the fucker or he’ll record it and show it to my great-grandchildren.
“I’m fine,” I say.
“No, you’re not. You barely talked in there, Ron. It’s so unlike you.”
“It’s the weed.”
“Not a certain Teal?” He waggles his brows suggestively.
“Fuck off.”
“Nah, I’m really interested to know about the girl who’s stealing your heart.”
“She’s not stealing my heart.”
“Your sanity, then?”
Probably. “She just hides so much.”
“Hides?”
“Yeah, I feel like I can’t reach her.”
“You know, Kim tried to hide from me before, and do you know how I was able to see her when no one else could?”
“How?”
His face softens. “I took that moment and really saw her. Not my prejudice of her, not my misconceptions. Just her.”
“How the fuck am I supposed to do that if she’s hiding?” Teal is so different from Kim. The latter has her heart on her sleeve in a way. Teal is a closed off gate.
“Then you’re not doing it right.”
“That’s not an answer. You’re a terrible councillor, Xan.”
“Screw you, mate.” He squeezes my shoulder. “I’m here if you need me.”
“Save the pussy moments for Kimmy.”
He flips me off with a grin, and I return the gesture as I head to my car then stop in front of the door.
I bring my phone up and stare at it. My subconscious is having this crazy thought that if I stare at it long enough or hard enough, it’ll magically light up with a reply.