Considering what happened in the past, this is the last thing I should do, but oddly enough, the moment I wrap the blindfold around my eyes, turning my world black, a sense of clarity falls over me.
I don’t think of Dad, Knox, or even Agnus, and what they would feel if they saw me in this position. I only think about those scenes I watched, the anonymity of it, the throbbing tension and that need for more.
Therapy didn’t work, so maybe this will. It’s a different type of therapy — the titillating kind.
The door opens, its click loud and deafening
in the silence of the room. My breathing quickens as the air fills with another presence.
I don’t see him, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel him.
Just like in the past.
I inhale through my nose and exhale through clenched teeth. This is different. This time, I consent to it.
This time, I want it.
Is it sick to want something that used to terrify the fuck out of me?
Or maybe it’s sick that I’ve run after it ever since I realised what sex is all about.
The presence stops in front of me. I don’t move even as I feel his shadow falling over me.
It’s strange how the other senses kick into gear when sight is gone. I think people don’t understand just how important your eyes are.
Now that my world is black, I hear every pulse in my ear and feel each breath going into and coming out of my lungs, and I sink into the scraping of the gown against my bare skin. As per the club’s policies, I’m wearing nothing underneath, and because of that, the buds of my nipples strain against the cloth. I have no doubt they’re visible for him.
Does he like it? Appreciate it?
For some reason, I can’t smell him. I do smell myself though — the lime scent. No idea why it feels like it’s coming from him, too.
Does he also smell of lime and citrus?
A hand falls on my shoulder, and I stiffen, my old signs trying to push against the intrusion. I breathe deeply, camouflaging that need.
It’s big, his hand, but it’s not calloused, just slightly so. It feels like the type of hand that will soon flip me over and fuck me against the ground.
Shit.
Why do I want that?
It’s too fast even for me, and yet there’s this unusual longing for Mr 120’s touch. Could be because of the blindfold or how good his skin feels on mine.
He slips the gown’s strap down my shoulder, the touch slow and sensual. For a second, I hold my breath, unable to stifle the pleasurable sensation crawling up my throat.
As he does the same with my other strap, my breasts slip out with a gentle bounce. They’re heavy and aching, and…strange. I’ve never had my breasts hurt this much, and he hasn’t even touched them yet.
It’s the anticipation.
The sick, thrilling anticipation.
Those same fingers clutch my jaw and lift it so I’m staring up — or my blindfolded eyes are anyway. The easy way he handles me is a sign of experience. He must’ve done this a thousand times before. I instantly feel safe at that thought.
His fingers trail down my neck, pausing at my collarbone to squeeze slightly. I stop breathing for a second, my thighs pressing together.
God. He’s only touching my collarbone and I’m ready to spread my legs wide for him.
He cups my breasts with both hands, and I purse my lips, trying to keep in the foreign sound that’s trying to escape.