“Your mother is no more, Teal,” Dad says in a sympathetic tone. “She died that same year you ran away. I was searching for her to have her give up her parental rights when I learnt she died of an overdose.”
Oh.
I remain still, unsure what to feel. No, I know what I feel.
Nothing.
I just learnt my mother and only biological parent — the only one I know of — is dead, and all I keep thinking about is how she doesn’t have to pay.
She left without paying.
She died as if she didn’t do anything wrong.
My nails dig into my lap until I register the sting on my flesh.
Now, her accomplice will pay for both of them.
Dad pats my shoulder. “Are you okay?”
I nod. “I don’t know why, but I think I kind of suspected it.”
“One less piece of scum in the world,” Agnus says without lifting his head from his tablet.
“That’s insensitive,” Dad tells him.
“The woman abused her own children — that’s what’s insensitive,” Agnus says in his usual cool tone.
“Agnus,” Dad warns.
“He’s right,” I say, not wanting them to fight because of this. It’s not like I wanted to find her for a noble cause, or like I wanted the engagement with Ronan for the reasons I made everyone believe.
I’m the worst scum.
I guess that’s what happens when you’re born the daughter of a whore.
After wishing them a great rest of the night, I leave Agnus and Dad’s office. I come to a screeching halt at the door. Knox stands there, feet crossed at the ankles as he leans against the wall. It’s then I realise I didn’t close the door earlier and my brother probably heard the whole thing.
I make sure to shut the door this time before I speak. “How much did you hear?”
“I already knew about Mum.”
“Y-You did?”
“I wish I was detached like you.” There’s pain in his voice, and I recognise it without struggling to. Knox’s pain was the only pain I could feel — until Ronan.
“Knox…”
“I searched for her when we were in Birmingham and — wait for it — I went back to that brothel, when I was maybe fifteen. When they told me she overdosed and died, do you know what I did?”
I approach him slowly, shaking my head.
“I cried so hard I thought I would never stop crying.” He laughs, rubbing the back of his nape, but it’s forced. “Pathetic, isn’t it, T?”
“No. She was our only family.”
“She was the whore who let those fuckers in while we were sleeping and—”
I slam a hand on his mouth, cutting him off. I don’t want to hear it. I’m so close to reliving it, and that’s never good.