Fuck.
Mum and Dad are returning today. That’s why the girls disappeared and…
The party.
“Is everything in order?” I ask Lars, looking at him out of the corner of my eye.
“Just like this room.”
“Perfect. You’re the best, Lars.” Not only because he covers up for me, but because he does a brilliant job at it too.
He doesn’t want my parents to be disappointed in me, so he and I struck a deal as soon as I took a special interest in partying.
“I know I am,” he says with a cool expression.
“I’m taking it back.”
“With all due respect, you cannot take a compliment back.”
“Watch me. There. It’s taken back.”
I button my shirt and then my jacket in record time. Being late is kind of my thing. I even dress in the car sometimes.
“If you’ll excuse me.” Lars approaches me and smooths my jacket with a few professional tugs. “Now, please do something about your hair.”
“Are you saying my hair is a mess?”
“Your words, not mine, sir.” His tone doesn’t change.
“Screw you, Lars, mmmkay? If you knew what my hair witnessed yesterday, you wouldn’t be saying those things.”
“I assume you washed it?”
“I’m curious, Lars. Are you still a virgin? Because if you are, I can plan an orgy for you.”
His expression remains the same. “You cannot even plan your day.”
“Planning my day isn’t my specialty. Orgies are.”
“And I should be impressed?”
“Fuck right, you should.”
“Pass.”
“Lars!”
“Yes, young lord?”
“I’m the best at what I do.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
Lars leaves and I follow behind him, enumerating my qualities so he’d agree. Since I was a kid, it’s always been this way with him. After all, I spend more time with him than my own parents. It’s cooler, too, since he’s the best party planner in the whole of London.
We go out of my room and take the marble stairs. Our mansion — no, the Astor family mansion — has stood here for centuries, since the time of Henry V.
There are two sweeping stairs that split the entrance hall. Portraits of my dead ancestors stare back at me with snobbish haughty expressions. We all share the nose, which is Dad’s pride and the reason he knew I’m without a doubt his son.