Xander sits on the chair Dad usually occupies, his attention never leaving my bandaged wrist. A small voice inside me tells me to hide it, but I squash that voice.
There’ll be no more hiding. This is me, the only me.
“Didn’t you hear what I said?” I continue in my confident tone. “I told you to go. I don’t want to see you, just like you don’t want to see me.”
“I lied about that.” His voice is calm, too calm. It raises goosebumps on my skin.
“You lied?”
“I lie about a lot of things. I’m a liar.” He’s still speaking in that neutral tone as if any other range will ruin his composure.
“Things like what?”
“Like how much I hate you. I don’t. Or how much you’re nothing. You aren’t. Or how I can live without you. I can’t.”
My breathing hitches and I dig my nails into the hospital’s sheet. “If you’re saying that because of what happened to me or out of pity, I swear –”
“I don’t pity you.” He cuts me off.
“Then why are you saying those things now? Why do you think you can come in here and say shit like that after you told me to disappear from your life?”
“I told you –”
“You lied, you don’t mean them.” I cut him off, repeating his earlier words. “Doesn’t mean I didn’t believe them. Doesn’t mean you didn’t make me cry every time you pretended I was nothing. Why would you ever do that to me? That child prank doesn’t warrant this much torment. It doesn’t warrant that you treat me as if I’m invisible. I’m visible, I’m here, and I’m always looking at you, so why don’t you look at me?”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“You’ll hate me if you know.”
“Tell me and I’ll decide myself. I lived through this torment for years; I have the right to know.”
He lifts his eyes and the wretchedness in them nearly breaks me all over again. “The truth isn’t always good, Green.”
“I want to know why. Tell me why!”
“Because you’re my sister.”
24
Xander
Age eleven
“Luna!” I call the cat’s name as I walk into the forest. “Come here, kitty.”
She’s such a pain, like Green sometimes.
I called her for more than five minutes and she still didn’t show up. Here’s to hoping she didn’t get caught in one of the trees.
Actually, if she did get caught, she would’ve brought the entire world down with her mewling.
I slide down a small cliff to the riverbank. Maybe she came here to drink.
Kim must be worried. She’s always weird whenever Luna disappears, saying things like maybe she was hit by a car and died.
Luna doesn’t even go to the road. She’s too lazy for that.