So I told him, I wish I’d stayed with my mum and her drinking and mental problems and not with him.
He gave me a strange look, something that made me kind of regret what I said, then he left.
I shouldn’t feel sorry about Dad; he should be feeling sorry towards me. He ruined my life in more ways than one, and I don’t even mean with Mum.
He did something way worse that’s been slowly but surely destroying my life.
After all, he’s Lewis Knight. If he can survive the parliament’s questioning, he can survive his son.
Then I kind of tried to beat Cole and Aiden up for allowing Kimberly to come to my room that night and instigating it. I have no doubt in my mind that they’re the reason behind it.
Cole just laughed and said, ‘so something did happen’. Aiden smirked like a fucking psycho and patted me on the back.
I was too drunk to hit them anyway, so it ended up being half-arsed punches.
They might have prepared the ground, but I was the one who kissed her, claimed her tongue, ate her like a starved animal, then fucked her mouth as if it’s always belonged to me.
My insides shrink at the thought, at the memory, at what the fuck I’ve done.
I lied to her.
There’s no way I can pretend it didn’t happen. For three days, that night is all I’ve been thinking about.
I can lie to myself and say that it’ll wither away with time, but like all my memories with her, they’ll just strengthen and magnify, and all I’ll want to do is to bust into her room and repeat it for eternity.
Fuck you, twisted up mind. You should burn with Cole.
As if my week hasn’t already been complete shit, I’m also sitting with none other than the main bastard whose murder I’ve been plotting for a while now.
Ronan and I are at the Meet Up because the captain called a meeting for the football players. I’m ready for anything that’ll stop me from acting on my impulses.
I might have had a drink on the way here, but it’s only one. I’m not losing my mind enough to not recognise that the fucker, Cole, set us up.
Ronan is grinning like a fucking idiot as he sits opposite me. My fist clenches to pound him to the ground.
“Long time no see, Knight. You know, remotely sober.”
“Fuck you, Astor.” I stare anywhere but at him.
The Meet Up is a small cottage owned by Aiden with direct access to the forest and a lake at the back. It’s cosy with warm wooden colours. The four of us always come here to escape our families. There’s something liberating about shedding our confinements and our names and the shit expected of us.
We were taught what we should become before we learnt what it was like to be kids. That’s probably why we were never actually children.
Young in bodies. Elderly in minds.
I recall when Elsa brought Kimberly here for the first time. She watched the space with wonder in her green eyes. It’s the same look she has when reading her books and watching her dramas.
For years, I made it a point to separate her from the group because if she was close to my friends, she’d be close to me, and I couldn’t do that.
Until I fucked it up.
I might have ignored her for the past few days, but she’s been the only one I see. The only one I watch. The only one who exists in a sea of blurry existences.
There are people and there’s her. And she always shines bright amongst them.
“Why has she been absent today, Knight?”
“I’m not her fucking guardian.” I made it a point not to watch her today, if I don’t count the time she picked up Kirian. I was watching him, not her.