I do it so easily, so gracefully, and without any restraints. While I’ve brought myself to orgasms before, none of them were this strong or ruining.
I don’t think I’ll ever feel the same after this. It’s like Xander reached insi
de me and flipped a switch, and now, there’s no going back.
Now, every time I think about sex, I’ll think of how he worshipped my scars, how he kissed my imperfections and called them beautiful, and how he ordered me to open my legs, just so he could worship me in a whole different way.
That brings tears to my eyes. The thought that I’ll be thinking about them while he’s not here turns me into an emotional fool.
I’m such a mess. This isn’t the moment to be crying.
“Hey.” He climbs up to crawl beside me and he does something I never thought Xander would ever do again.
He hugs me, his arm lying on the small of my back while our bodies mould together.
His thumb traces over my skin, wiping the tears. “You’re not supposed to be crying.”
“And you’re not supposed to be better than the fantasy.”
“I am, huh?” He flashes me his dimples.
“Don’t be so arrogant.”
“Arrogant is my middle name, Green. Did you forget?”
“How could I?” I return his smile, still unable to believe the fact he’s calling me Green again. That he’s holding me, wiping my tears.
If this is a dream, please end now. Don’t torture me any longer.
As an answer to my prayer, Xander brushes his nose against mine, just like when we were kids. “Maybe I should burn.”
“Burn?”
“Yeah.” His eyes close. “Because you’re worth being burned for.”
And with that, his breathing evens out. I lay my head on his shoulder and resist sleep with all my might.
I’m just going to watch him all night.
Maybe then, the dream won’t end.
Maybe then, we’ll be trapped in this moment of eternal bliss where there’s no fog and no external world.
Or that’s what I plan.
But the second he absentmindedly strokes my hair, I fall into the deepest sleep I’ve had in years.
17
Xander
There are moments where you know something is wrong, but you still do it anyway.
Moments where you stop and think, no, I shouldn’t do this, but you forge with it anyway.
It’s like that in my subconscious. My erotic, porn-fest subconscious.
My dreams should level up to this state from now on. Soft hands wrap around the bulge in my jeans and I grunt out a moan.