I’m the reason he’s lost somewhere unknown while he’s cold and alone.
“Xan!” Something cuts into my ankle, but I keep running and calling his name.
Is this how he felt when his Mum got into that car and drove away? When she never looked behind as she left him?
A sob tears from my throat as I stand there, my chest heaving so hard, as if my heartbeat will come to halt any second now.
Just when I’m about to stop and let Dad catch me and take me home, I spot a figure by the cliff.
The denim jacket and the golden hair, the tall body and scrawny build.
It’s him.
At first, I think he’s staring down the cliff. But instead, he’s facing me, a hand in his pocket and his expression blank, haunted even.
His blue eyes are the emptiest I’ve seen since the day he lost his mum. He’s cold and so hollow, it’s scary.
“Xan!” I sprint towards him, tripping twice, but I manage not to fall to my butt.
I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him so close, I think I may suffocate him. “I’m so sorry, Xan. I didn’t mean to. I’m so, so sorry.”
He places a hand on my chest and shoves me away. It’s so angry and strong, I reel back with the movement.
I deserve that. I’m the one who put him into this in the first place.
I also deserve the deadly glare he’s giving me. Maybe I’ll have to do his homework for two years?
“Stay away from me.” His voice is thick, the harshest I’ve heard him talk.
Okay, so I’ll do the homework for three years.
“I’m so sorry, Xander.”
“Don’t say my name again.” He glares at me. “Don’t talk to me ever again.”
“Xan…” My voice breaks, and I approach him slowly. My heart is on my sleeves and I sniffle as I reach out a tentative hand and clutch the hem of his jacket. “Don’t make me. I’m sorry, okay? I’ll do anything as long as you forgive me.”
“Don’t touch me. You’re disgusting.” He shoves me so hard, I fall on my butt on the solid ground.
It doesn’t hurt.
Or it does, but it’s nothing compared to the pain of his words.
Or how I feel when he turns away and leaves, without a glance, without offering me his hand.
He left me.
And never looked back.
That day was the last day I called Xander my friend.
A week later, Luna was hit by a car and died.
Seven years later, the loss of them still beats under my skin, loud, hard, and unbearable.
12
Kimberly