I cried for him then. I just wrapped my arms around him and cried.
His pain is mine.
I feel it worse than he does because while he was simply telling the story, I felt every lash of cold against his skin and every tear he shed while he called his mother’s name in that unknown dark place.
I might have also kicked and screamed in my head at the people who took him to that place.
That’s how much I’m connected to him.
Why did I think it was a good idea to bring him to the cold and expose him to a situation similar to the one from that time?
Jumping to my feet, I follow the path he took. Twigs crunch under my shoes and I flinch as if someone grabbed me by the shoulder.
“Xan,” I call, keeping a straight line.
The more I walk into the forest, the colder it becomes, just as Silver said. Or maybe I’m imagining it.
“Xan, come out! Luna is home.” My voice breaks and I swallow.
There’s no trace of him, no matter how deep I get in.
“Xan!!” Tears fill my cheeks and my chest squeezes so hard, I’m afraid it’ll burst. “I’m so sorry! I won’t do it again. Please!”
I’m running now, my feet moving of their own accord as I cover all the road I know and even into a road I’ve never been on before.
There’s no trace of him.
I stop in the middle of the forest, tears streaming down my cheeks and slipping into my mouth. My unsteady legs barely carry me as I watch my surroundings, empty and desolate, and without him.
“Xaaan!”
What have I done?
After what seems like half an hour of fruitless searching, I go back home. I don’t know how I do it, but I manage.
Uncle Lewis parks at his driveway the moment I reach our street. Mum went out for a meeting with her agent, so it’ll take her a long time to return.
Not that she would care.
“Uncle! Uncle!” I run up to him and he meets me halfway, a frown creasing his brow.
“Xan is in there and he didn’t come back. He’s…he’s…” I’m breathing so harshly, I’m skipping over words and unable to form a coherent sentence.
Uncle Lewis grabs both my shoulders with his comforting hands and watches me with a calm, soft expression. “Take a deep breath, Kim, and speak slowly. Let’s try it, in, out. In. Out.”
I follow his instructions, inhaling and exhaling as slowly as I can. When I can speak, I blurt, “Xan disappeared into the forest, Uncle. I can’t find him.”
“Disappeared how?”
“He was searching for Luna,” I sob. “But she’s already home.”
“Okay, I’m sure he didn’t go far. Breathe, Kim.”
I nod frantically. “Please find him.”
I’ll do his homework for a year. I’ll give him all my M&M’s and even clean his room.
As long as he comes back, I’ll do anything for him.