My heart warms so hot, I can feel the remnants of the fog withering away, condensing into water and falling in the distance.
My baby brother is thinking about me. I underestimated his ability to feel the tension between me and Mum.
He shouldn’t have sought Xander for help, though. He’s part of the problem, not the solution.
Heck, he’s the worst part of the problem.
“Kimmy!” Kir shrieks upon seeing me and runs in my direction, his little feet carrying him slower than he likes.
I watch the street for any cars, even though we don’t have traffic around here.
“Hey, Monkey.” I ruffle h
is hair, completely erasing Xander from my surroundings. “Are you ready to go?”
He nods several times, then stops as if remembering something. “Can Xan come with us?”
Abso-fucking-lutely not.
I plaster a fake smile and direct it to said arsehole. “I’m sure he has things to do.”
I think I imagined it, but his jaw tics before he offers me his golden boy smile that causes his cheeks to crease, and there they are. Dimples. Deep, attractive as hell dimples.
He really shouldn’t have dimples. That should be exclusive to the good guys, not to bastards.
His smile and those dimples are a couple of the reasons why the girls fall all over him at school like he’s some sort of Casanova.
Actually, he is one. I’ve lost count of the number of times he’s disappeared with a girl – or two – in one of Ronan’s parties, only to appear some time later with lipstick all over his shirt and neck and the girl, hair messy and lipstick smudged, grinning like an idiot as if she ascended to heaven and is now returning.
Once again, it’s not me. It’s my ability to notice everything. If it were up to me, I would erase him completely from my existence. Or maybe, if I had some sort of a time machine, I would go back seven years in the past and not do what I’ve done.
But time machines don’t exist. This is what we’ve become and there’s no changing it, no matter how much I want – or rather, wanted to. I no longer yearn for his forgiveness.
He’ll never grant it, and I’ll just be hurting myself.
“Do you have things to do, Xan?” Kir asks him as he pulls me so the three of us are standing near the middle of the street.
“Depends.” He’s speaking to my brother, but his entire unnerving attention is on me.
His light eyes are drawing a dark path into my soul, all paved with thorns. When we were kids, I thought magic was the reason behind the colour of his eyes. Turns out, it’s black magic.
It used to be easy when I had the habit of averting that punishing gaze, when I pretended that this would be over soon. It’s never happened. And now that I’ve sworn to meet him head-on, it’s getting exhausting.
Keeping eye contact with him is like drowning into the ocean of his irises. The harder I stare, the closer I am to the bottom.
“We’re going to Elsa.” Kir clutches Xander’s hand with his free one. “Come with us, please?”
“Sure, Superman.” He musses Kir’s hair.
“Yay! Hear that, Kimmy? Xan is going.”
“No, he’s not.” I lean over to hiss to Xander, “Since when do you go out with us?”
“Since I decided I can.” His shit-eating grin never disappears. “Besides, I’m going to Aiden.”
“Go to him in his damn home.”
“Or I can go to him at Elsa’s since he never leaves her side.” He steps closer and it takes everything in me not to push back. His body heat mingles with mine and I inhale him in, mint and fresh clothes out of the dryer and… Is that a hint of alcohol?