Lost.
Help.
Live.
Alive.
Dead.
It goes on until the end of the book.
I retrieve another one. Nothing is underlined in the dedication, but inside the book, similar words are underlined.
Save.
Kill.
Love.
I pull another book then another and another. It’s almost the same in all books. Then I find something different.
The dedication in another book says,
To J, Thank you for saving my life.
It’s crossed in red and under it is written in elegant writing.
‘You shouldn’t have saved my life.’
My breathing catches. Is this Alicia?
I retrieve about ten books and sit on the table, going through them.
I find a dedication that says,
To the fighters. Stay alive.
Under it, there’s that same elegant handwriting.
‘The worst thing you can tell a person who wants to die is to stay alive.’
I gulp.
So she was suicidal.
Did Aiden know that?
My heart squeezes at the thought of a little boy witnessing his mother’s suicidal tendencies. Did she do something traumatising in front of him?
A wave of nausea hits me at the thought.
I go through the pages some more.
I find another dedication.
To my son, you gave purpose to my life.
There’s a line under it and then a smiling face. My heart warms until I read the writing beneath it.