They tell me something, but I don’t hear it above the buzz in my ears.
It’s all over now.
Everything is over.
I scream above all the sounds in the room.
Get out!
Get out of me!
A needle pricks my skin.
Ow.
My hands fall on either side of me and my movements slow down.
My eyes roll to the back of my head.
It’s over.
All of it.
Happy now, monster?
3
Elsa
When I wake up next, Aunt and Uncle sit by either side of me.
Aunt’s eyes are puffy as if she’s been crying while she wipes my hand with a soft, damp cloth. It’s soothing, lulling even.
I’m tempted to close my eyes and go back to the void I just came from.
It’s quiet in there. So quiet that I see nothing, smell nothing, and feel nothing.
Here, antiseptic and detergent surround me from every side.
I hate this smell. It’s a reminder of my surgery and how utterly abnormal I am.
I’m about to chase sleep when I notice something on Aunt’s hands. The sleeves of her jacket ride up, revealing scratch marks on her wrist.
My frantic gaze bounces to Uncle. He’s leaning both elbows on his knees and watching me with furrowed brows and a stiff upper lip.
No.
I didn’t.
… right?
The scene is like a flashback from those times I used to have nightmares.
And episodes.
I had an episode in the hospital. I think I hit my aunt again. Those scratch marks are because of me.
I hurt her.