“I’m just abnormal, Dr Khan.”
“How did you come to that conclusion?”
“I want to go back again.” I bite down the fear and terror clawing at my chest. “I need to know why I’m not normal.”
10
Elsa
Kim and I walk through the hall as she tells me about her latest Korean soap opera.
I nod along, but I’m not hearing a word she’s saying. Since my appointment with Dr Khan yesterday, I’ve been in this haze of my own making.
Last night, I relived the same memory. When I woke up, I found myself still trapped in the nightmare. It took me a few fake wake-up cycles to come back to the world of the living.
I had to watch that dark figure drowning the child version of me over and over again.
I had to listen to her gurgles and cries for help.
I drowned with her, too.
Black water swallowed me whole and I couldn’t scream or come out, no matter how much I tried to.
It was like my own custom hell.
For some reason, I didn’t scream when I finally opened my eyes to find myself sweating in my bed.
I didn’t wake Aunt and Uncle. I just washed my hands over and over. At that moment, when I looked in the mirror, I contemplated breaking it to pieces.
It took everything in me not to confront Aunt and Uncle and ask them what the hell they’re hiding from me.
This is my life. Mine. How can they keep me in the dark about it?
I stopped myself because if I raise any red flags with them and they figure out my secret therapy plan with Dr Khan, they’d put an end to it. He’s sworn to patient confidentiality, but I’m still seventeen. As my guardians, Aunt and Uncle could — and would — ruin the progress I’ve been making in my therapy.
Maybe it’s because of the endless nightmares, or what I’ve seen in said nightmares, but today, I’m exhausted, lethargic and… numb.
“It’s going to be so much fun.”
My attention snaps back to Kim. “What?”
“A party at Ronan’s.”
I groan. “Not again.”
“Yes, again! We’re totally breaking some records this year.”
“I’m in no mood to break any records.”
“Ellie?” Kim stops and makes me stop, too. We’re standing near our class as she watches me too intently, it’s almost creepy. “Are you okay?”
“Huh?”
“You’re not, are you?” She asks slowly, appearing on the verge of panicking.
Shit. I forgot that Kim, Aunt, and Uncle have been keeping a close watch on me since the pool incident.
Aunt and Uncle think I don’t know, but I heard them talking to the principal on the phone.