Past,
* * *
“You can’t be mine if you’re weak.”
The haunting voice becomes a buzz. A long, forgotten buzz.
Water fills my mouth, my nose, and my ears.
“Fight!” The voice shouts on top of me. “Fight, Elsa!”
My limbs flail in the water. My chest constricts with the pent up energy.
I can’t breathe.
Please let me breathe.
That familiar dizziness lures me into its clutches. My limbs barely move anymore.
I’m hauled from the water. I gasp for air, choking and spluttering saliva. My heart almost beats out of my chest.
My vision is still blurry even after I blink several times.
The gloomy, cloudy air coats my skin with a sheen of stickiness. My clothes are glued to my body like paste as I shake. My teeth clatter, but them monsters wouldn’t leave me alone.
I want to say a name, but if I do, if I say it, I won’t only be thrown in the water, I’ll also have to be the one who shall not be named.
So I call the other.
The only name I have left.
“Ma—”
I’m thrown into the water again.
I don’t even get to take my fill of air this time.
I don’t get to fight.
What’s the use of fighting if them monsters won’t let me fight?
Soon, I’ll be like the one who shall not be named.
Soon, Ma will be hugging someone else because she won’t be able to hug me.
Them monsters took everything from her and me.
Them monsters killed me. Not once, not even twice, but all the time.
Maybe I should’ve never come back to life.
If I didn’t, them monsters wouldn’t have killed me again.
If I didn’t, I would’ve been like the one who shall not be named and the ones who came after him.
That’s what happens to those who can’t escape monsters, right?
Them monsters take everything they want.