Just like I watched when Eli went into that lake and I couldn’t follow.
Eli.
Who the hell is Eli and why do I suddenly feel like I’m missing a big chunk of myself?
“Eli…” His name comes in a strangled sob.
The itch beneath my skin digs into my arms and hands like needles. I stagger to my feet and wash my hands over and over again.
I’m not done with it even when my skin becomes red and stingy. I want to use bleach on my hands.
But even that won’t make them clean, will it?
I stare at my dishevelled picture in the mirror. My hair points in all directions and my eyes are bloodshot. The tears leave streaks over my pale cheeks.
This isn’t just any ache.
It’s chronic pain.
Eli was someone important from my past that I erased just like I erased Ma and Dad.
Just like I erased everything.
“What’s wrong with you?” I whisper to my reflection. “Why can’t you be normal?”
You know what?
Enough.
I’ve had enough of putting everyone else’s wellbeing before my own. I’ll confront Uncle and demand he tells me everything he knows.
I’ll demand he takes me back to Birmingham.
For ten years, I thought I could survive without knowing my past.
But there’s no future without roots. I’ll always be stuck in this whirlwind of emotions and frightening nightmares.
And grief.
Crushing grief.
I can barely breathe as
I think about Eli. Uncle needs to tell me who the hell Eli is.
After washing my face and freshening up, I put on my uniform. On my way out of my room, I check my phone, but there’s still no text from Aiden.
My heart smashes further into its cavity, but I swallow the pain down. I exit my room with determination bubbling in my veins.
Today, I’ll face my fears.
Today, I’ll know everything Aunt and Uncle have been hiding for years.
It’s no longer an option. It’s a need now.
I take the steps down, breathing deep and summoning all the courage I have in my bones.
This is the first time I’ll demand to know something about my past.